Space Oddity

The Fear Of Losing You

As soon as they are transported to the Transporter Room Kehaulani walks off the Transporter Pad and out of the room getting as far away from Saru as possible and Saru falls to his knees then completely down on his ass in defeat Michael and Tyler both look at the two of them watching one of their friends leave and the other break down till there was seemingly nothing left.... Kehaulani walks into Saru's quarters and makes it so that no memory of her ever being in there exists she has all the clothes he has ever had made for her destroyed and the blanket and pillow he gave her cleaned and put away then she walks out of the room.... Saru felt sad when he didn't see Kehaulani in Sickbay as Hugh did his doctorly duties and checked everyone else over but of course she wasn't there he was grateful that he was allowed to go back to work for he hoped that it would keep his mind off of her and what he did to her and he feared that he may no longer see her again he knew that since she was on the ship he would end up meeting her if they ever passed one another by but he feared that she no longer wished to be in his presence.... it wasn't until after Saru left Sickbay that Kehaulani walked into it and went back into her own routine of helping Hugh out with whatever he needed help with "Saru seemed very regretful for whatever he did on Pahvo"  Hugh tells her she nods in response Hugh looks at his friend worried she seemed sadder than he has ever seen her "when I was a "complete" Kelpien.... I.... knew Saru.... my name was Kehau.... he was about four years older than I.... I looked up to him and then I fell in love with him!.... it was not my masters life that I saved the day I died but his!.... we were to be married...."  Hugh looks at her in surprise she chuckles softly then says "he didn't ask me!.... I asked him!.... that Saru would never have had the courage to ask!.... hell I was curious as to whether or not he actually loved me or if he had only agreed in fear of "hurting my feelings".... but I was happy!.... as happy as a species that feared their own shadow could be!"  Hugh chuckles and smiles "he hurt me!.... not in a physical sense but an emotional one!.... I haven't felt fear since I was a Kelpien but I feared losing him!.... and because of his choice I did in a sense.... with time and patience I may forgive him for what he did to me.... to my heart! but for now.... it's best that we spend some time apart.... as well as anyone can on this ship.... we've been together since I entered this ship and as I explained to you before he feared how he felt about me.... but.... what if it isn't real!?!.... what if I'm just reliving my Kelpien life all over again!?!.... it's never happened before.... not to this extent anyway.... out of all the species that I have been the only time that I have ever been in love with ANYONE was when I was his species.... and it was HIM that I had loved! then.... perhaps some time away from one another may show us whether it's all true or just in our head...."  she says then she looks into her friends eyes and continues "he chose THEM over me!.... true they took away his fears but in so doing they changed him!.... I didn't recognize him at all after he went to them.... I fought him!.... to protect Michael.... I chose just as he chose and I stand by my decision!"....

A few hours later Kehaulani was asked to accompany Paul and Hugh to Engineering "you do understand that I can only take away the pain anything else.... I have no power over any of this especially since we have no idea what the true cause of whatever is happening inside him has come to light!"  she tells them as she walks into the room and joins Paul in the see through test cube that holds the spore drive controls Paul and Hugh nod at her "wait you knew about the side affects!?!"  Hugh asks with a surprised tone she looks at him confused and he looks relieved when he realizes that she has no idea what she was talking about "I may be his friend but he doesn't tell me everything Hugh!"  she teases "besides I've spent more time on the Bridge or Sickbay than anywhere else so when it comes to the goings on in the rest of the ship I'm just as lost as you!"  she adds he chuckles then says with a smile "yes well....!"  she playfully rolls her eyes at him making him laugh "now try not to become to embarrassed Paul but you will need to hold my hands and look into my eyes and try to keep contact with them"  she tells him as she walks into the glass container and Paul smiles at her as he takes her hands in his as the needles slide into his cybernetic augment and his locks eyes with hers "this is going to be easy!"  he says dreamily she chuckles softly "what have you done!?!"  Hugh asks as he looks at the machine that shows Paul's vital signs "I've put him in a dreamlike state.... he's reliving the memories that made him the most happy in his life.... but don't worry I can't see them they're just for him to help keep his body calm.... I suppose you could say that he's daydreaming in class!"  she replies Hugh chuckles "you know I would never hurt him Hugh! I just couldn't think of any other way to do what needs to be done!"  she says "no!.... I know!.... I just wasn't expecting the reaction that I'm getting here!"  he replies waving at the screen in front of him.... at about jump 61 Kehaulani says softly "his dreams are changing!.... it's like they aren't his own but someone elses!.... I don't know how much longer I can....!"  Hugh walks over to the chamber "I'll try.... I'm not giving up!.... I'll keep trying!"  she whispers in a determined tone gripping her friends now sweaty hands a little tighter not to hurt him but to continue to have a good hold on his hands and not lose him "there's a clearing in the forest that's how the go"  Paul whispers deliriously his eyes never leave hers "no Hugh!.... we can't!.... he wouldn't be happy with us if we gave up now!"  she whispers softly "we have too....!"  Hugh replies softly "no!.... remember he's sleeping.... think of him as a sleep walking patient.... the only difference is that the dreams he had are now nightmares.... if we wake him up now....! I can do this Hugh!.... you believe in him.... believe in me too!.... please Hugh I need SOMEONE to believe in me or none of this will work!"  she tells him Hugh nods "I do!.... I do believe in you!.... and so does he!"  Hugh replies in a whispered tone talking about him and Paul she smiles then says "I know!.... we can do this Hugh!"  Hugh backs away from the chamber he looks at the machine that is reading Paul's vital signs and sees that she is right everything shows as though he was just having a nightmare one he unfortunately couldn't wake up from he also started to realize what she meant if he woke Paul up now whatever is actually happening to his body whatever she is stopping from happening would happen all at once and even he didn't know what would happen to him if it happened "once we finish I can slowly start to wake him up so that it hopefully won't harm his body too badly but we have to finish too many people are counting on us.... HE'S counting on us!"  Kehaulani whispers Hugh nods and against his better judgement they continue the last 70 or so jumps....

Once the last jump was made Kehaulani exhausted herself to no end trying to slow the process of what was suppose to happen to Paul's body so that it didn't effect him in a way that even Hugh couldn't bring him back from then she helped Hugh carry him to Sickbay and for the first time ever became an actual patient of his for he would not let her leave his sight after seeing what it had done to her she had told him that she only needed rest and he had informed her that she could do that just as well as anywhere in Sickbay which made her chuckle softly.... Kehaulani woke up to see Saru sitting by her bed with a familiar glowing flower from the planet Pahvo in his hands (the flower that is in the chapter picture) he was staring at it blankly until he realized that she had awoken and he handed it to her "the Pahvans allowed me too take one of these as an apology to you for how you were treated on their planet"  he tells her as he hands it over she smiles a half smile at him as she takes it from him then sets it down on the bedside table Hugh takes it off the table and goes to have a vase created for it so that he could put it in water "I am sorry!"  Saru whispers sadly wanting to but afraid to take her hands in his for he believed that she wouldn't allow him to do so and it was possible that he could have been right in making such an assumption Hugh comes back with the flower in a vase full of water and places it back on the side table then leaves them alone once more Saru had no idea what to do she wasn't speaking to him she wasn't even looking at him.... soon Saru had to head back to the Bridge and go back to work Hugh went with Paul to Engineering and Kehaulani fell asleep she woke up with a jolt sensing that something was wrong and whispers to the empty room "no Hugh don't let him jump!"  then she yells "don't let him jump!!".... Hugh felt an odd sort of presence one of fear and danger and he realized that it was coming FROM Kehaulani herself but by the time he could even try to answer it and stop the jump it was too late Paul was already hooked up to the machine and everything was set and started and the feeling he sensed from his friend added to his fear and worry while all he could do is watch as Paul started screaming and the entire ship started to malfunction then everything went dark the glass in the chamber Paul was in froze and then everything turned itself back on and the computer read the jump as an incomplete navigation sequence Paul walks out of the chamber and once again becomes Hugh's patient