In the Woods When First We Met

72. Misunderstanding

Anne did not come downstairs until it was just past lunch time.

Marilla didn't want to wake her, thinking she probably needed extra sleep.

When Anne finally came downstairs, she was still in her nightgown.

Her face was red and puffy.

Marilla looked startled. "I thought you were tired, but...have you been crying?"

Anne didn't answer her. She plopped down at the table with a glass of milk.

She didn't drink it, though.

She put her head down on the table, resting it on her arms.

"Anne?"

Anne put her head up. "Yes?"

"Are you all right?" Marilla asked.

"I'm as well as can be expected under the circumstances," Anne said, trying to sound brave.

Marilla had no idea what that meant.

"Well, I let you sleep half the day away, but I figured you needed it. I'm glad you're up now, though. I was beginning to worry."

"Marilla, I don't know what to do..." Anne said.

She meant she didn't know what to do about her life in general, now that Marilla had told her she was going to have a baby, but Marilla took her statement as meaning she didn't know what to do today.

"You should stay in, and work on finishing all your school work for Monday," Marilla said.

"We don't have any," Anne said absently. Then she said, her voice sad, "Besides, I don't see the point in me going back to school."

Marilla looked at her strangely. "What do you mean?"

Anne responded, "I'll have to stop going, won't I? I'll have..." She sighed. "...I'll have obligations to attend to."

"What are you talking about? What obligations?"

"The baby," Anne said miserably, "I'll have to stay home and take care of it. It'll be my obligation. I'll have to change its dirty diapers and do piles of laundry for it, and listen to it wailing and fussing all the time...School is over for me."

"I do feel rather sorry for it, the poor little tad," she went on, "It'll be a hard lot in life, to have a mother who views it as an obligation." She sighed.

Then she took a deep breath, her resolve forming. "But as I know exactly how it feels to be unwanted, I've made up my mind that I mustn't show my devastation. I mustn't let it know it's just an obligation. I'll have to imagine very hard that I'm happy to have it, so that the poor little thing won't have to know it was unwelcome."

Marilla was already confused, but now she was staring at Anne like she had two heads. "Anne, I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about."

Anne's eyes were downcast. "The one you said...you said last night that that was something that happens to your body to get prepared for a baby..."

Marilla stared at her. She looked incredibly flustered. "Oh, Anne...oh my goodness, no. No. I meant someday. Your...your body does this to prepare for having a baby someday. My goodness, have you been crying all night thinking you were going to have a baby?!"

Anne nodded miserably.

"Oh, dear," Marilla said, looking flustered and like she didn't know what to do. She reached out to Anne and put her hands on her shoulders. "Oh dear. I'm sorry Anne. I had no idea there'd been such a misunderstanding or I would have corrected it right then and there. No, you are not having a baby."

"I'm not?"

"Why, no, of course not!" Marilla exclaimed.

Anne looked hopeful. "Are you sure? Are you absolutely, positively sure I'm not having a baby now?"

"Yes of course! That can't happen until you're married."

Anne stared at Marilla's face, helplessly. Her shoulders slumped. "Oh. Married. What you really mean is not till you've had intimate rela-"

"Yes," Marilla said, stopping her. "Yes, that's exactly what I mean. But saying 'until you're married' will suffice, if you don't mind! I'll thank you not to repeat the words 'intimate relations' again. The entire town has heard quite enough from you on that subject." She looked serious. "But yes, if you must put it that way- you cannot have a baby unless you've had intimate relations, and you haven't of course, so you've no need to worry."

"Oh," Anne said glumly, a weight in her chest.

Not knowing what to say, she asked, "Marilla, do you mind if I go out in the snow?"

"Why, I thought you'd be relieved, Anne. You look even worse! You look as though you're about to cry."

"I'm just tired. May I go out in the snow? It'll wake me up."

"It's so cold."

"Please? I'll dress warmly, I promise. And I'll keep warm out there, too. I'll run around. The snow will make me so happy..." Far from happy, she looked as if she might cry.

"All right," Marilla said. "But come back in soon."

Note: I know it's probably frustrating that I keep holding off on Marilla knowing...I'm not trying to string you along or anything, I'm sorry if it feels that way...it's just that there are still several things I want to happen in the story before the news comes out. There are things that happen between her and Gilbert, there are things that happen at school, things with Billy (although I don't want to think much about Billy, I decided that for the story's sake I wanted to attempt to write some from his perspective), and there are some other things that Anne kind of needs to reconcile in her mind first before the news is out.

But I actually just finished writing the chapter where Marilla knows. It won't happen for a little while but it IS written now!

And I decided that I couldn't write a chapter about Anne talking to Marilla until I'd done the same thing...I went to my parents and told them what happened. I had never told anyone about it (except for you through this story). Now I wish I'd spoken up sooner but I just couldn't, but writing about Marilla knowing gave me the push I needed so I did it. And it went really well.