In the Woods When First We Met

146. Bridge

"She ran off..." Gilbert said, standing up from the table, looking after her. "She must be so hurt... I would go after her, but..."

He looked at Marilla, as if to say You're the captain of the ship now, I won't do anything else without your approval.

Marilla said to him, "No, no. It's time for me and Anne to have a talk. High time."

Gilbert nodded slowly, walking to the door. He stepped off the porch to go.

But then he turned and looked back up at her.

"I'm sorry. I should have just come to you and Mr. Cuthbert straight away, I never should have agreed to keep her secret. I just..." He shook his head, and then said, "Miss Cuthbert, after what happened to her, I couldn't bring myself to make decisions for her. I hope you understand why."

Marilla looked at him, her troubled eyes seeming to find comfort in his. "I can see that the decision about whether to tell Anne's secret has weighed heavily on your mind. I wish I'd known right away, of course, but..." She shook her head, "I can't fault you, Gilbert, and I don't. You abided by her wishes because you didn't want her to feel that you, too, were violating her, is that right?"

So she understood. He nodded once, looking solemn.

"You're a smart and brave boy, Gilbert, and you've done a good and kind thing. Thank you," she said kindly, "For taking care of her."

After Gilbert had gone, Marilla stood on the porch, crossing her arms in the cold and pulling her shawl closer. She stood there a moment, unsure of how to approach this.

Firming her resolve, she stepped down off the porch, and set out to look for Anne. It didn't take more than a couple of minutes before she found Anne in the back yard, curled up in the snow on a fallen tree, the wind drying her tears.

Marilla sat down beside her on the wet, cold tree without saying anything.

After a moment Marilla moved closer, and slowly, hesitantly, put her arm around Anne's slender shoulders. It was stiff; she was uncomfortable and felt wildly out of her element.

She didn't speak.

All was quiet for a few moments, except for the steady plop plop of melting icicles in the late afternoon sun.

After a few minutes, Anne finally spoke:

"Gilbert betrayed me," she whispered, shaking her head. "I'll never forgive him".

"Come now," Marilla said gently, "Don't be angry with him. He must care about you very much to have worried so."

"No. I hate him," Anne said, crying. "I'll never speak to him again!"

Marilla didn't respond. She just sat there with Anne, in silence, her arm still stiffly around Anne's small frame, which was still shaking with tears.

After a few minutes, she said, "I want to apologize to you, Anne, and I hope that you can forgive me."

Anne finally looked up at her, tears still rolling down. "What? Why?"

Marilla looked sorry. "You should be able to tell me important things, but I haven't made myself easy for you to talk to, have I?" She took a deep breath. "If- if I'd been less harsh, less critical...perhaps you'd have felt you could have shared this with me."

She paused, then continued, "I know I have many shortcomings when it comes to bringing you up. The thing of it, is, Anne, I...I know more than anyone how much a young girl needs a mother...but I didn't exactly have a shining example of how mothering ought to be. And that has made it...hard...for me...to know how to..." She trailed off. "I am going to change, Anne. To try to be more like what you need...what you deserve..."

Anne threw herself into Marilla's arms. "Oh, Marilla, you don't know how much I love you, do you? It wasn't your fault, me not being able to tell you. I just...I just couldn't."

Marilla's arms were stiff and awkward at first, unaccustomed to holding little girls and comforting their fears. But after a moment they relaxed, and Anne in her arms felt as natural as if she was always meant to be there.

She was cold, sitting there in the snow, and she knew Anne was too, and both their dresses would be wet with the snow- but she didn't move and she didn't say anything about sitting in the snow being foolhardy. She just sat there, and would for as long as Anne needed to.

But after a moment Anne moved away from her and stood up.

"Do you want to go in now? And have some tea?" Marilla asked.

Anne nodded.

Marilla stood up and brushed off her skirt.

"I'd like for us to be able to talk to each other," Marilla said kindly. "When we go in, will you sit down and talk with me?"

Anne didn't answer.

But then she held her hand out.

Marilla looked at it for a second, surprised, then took it, and they walked hand in hand back to the house.