In the Woods When First We Met

130. Progress and Hesitation

That afternoon, walking home, Gilbert asked, "So did anything new happen during the week off?"

Anne could have rolled her eyes, but didn't. He wasn't asking how her week had been, he was asking whether or not she'd told her family. But at least this time she could answer positively.

"I told Marilla about my arm," she said. "I told her that I didn't just trip."

"You told her that?" he asked, hopeful. "That it was hurt on purpose?"

Anne nodded.

Gilbert looked happier than she'd seen him look in a long time. "That's great, Anne! I'm so happy for you."

"Well don't be too happy. It didn't go very well."

"Oh," he said disappointed. "She didn't blame you, did she?"

He hoped not. All this time, he'd kept encouraging her to tell and assuring her that it wasn't her fault. How terrible for her, he thought, to finally tell her story, only to be blamed for it.

"No...she wasn't angry with me," Anne explained. "She was angry that it happened, though, and she wanted to do something about it. I was pleading with her not to..."

"Did you tell her it was Billy that did it?"

"Yes...I didn't want to," Anne said, "But she was demanding to know, and I suppose it's good I told her it was Billy, but it doesn't seem like a good thing since she was going on about confronting him."

"Do you think she will?"

"I hope not," Anne said. "That would be...ugh," she shuddered, "Even my imagination fails me, I cannot think of a word to show how much I would detest that. No good would come of it."

"Well, I'm glad you told," Gilbert said. "Do you think you're going to tell her the rest?"

Anne slowed down. "I will...I think," she said. "I decided I would. But...just not right now."

"You did so well, telling her that. You proved that you can do hard things, didn't you?" Gilbert tried to convince her. "It can't be too hard now to go back and tell her that something else happened after he hurt your wrist."

Anne bit her lip. "I told her that Billy had changed and that I'd forgiven him and it was all fine now."

"What? Why?" Gilbert asked, making a face.

Anne trudged through the snow. "Because I don't want her going over there and making a scene."

Gilbert shook her head.

"What?" Anne asked, annoyed. "You kept bugging me to tell and I did!"

Gilbert relented. "You're right, you're right- we should see this as a victory. I know it wasn't easy."

"Thank you," Anne said stoutly.

"But we should also be thinking of the next step," Gilbert continued.

"There is no next step!" Anne snapped.

He was quiet for a moment.

"I told you before I'd go with you, remember?" Gilbert asked quietly. "I said I could sit right by your side while you tell them. You don't have to do it alone."

"I know," she said tightly.

"Well, I've been thinking. Would it help if I did the talking? And you could just sit there?"

She shook her head.

"Or maybe..."

"What?"

"We keep talking about how you need to tell them... But I think that's making it feel too much like a confession, you know?"

He paused a moment, then continued: "And that's not how this is. You're not going to them to make a confession- you're going to them for help. There's a difference."

"What difference does it make?" Anne asked. "Really? The end result is the same: them knowing, and me being embarrassed, and them being angry."

"It makes a lot of difference! If you had done something wrong, you'd have to go to them and admit what you did, right? And you'd have to do that yourself, because that's part of taking responsibility for what you did- facing them and confessing it."

"Yeah," Anne agreed.

"...But this isn't like that. You're just telling them something you need help with, and that's not really something you necessarily have to do yourself. Somebody else can tell them you need help."

Anne looked up at him. "You mean..."

"I mean you don't even have to be there."

There was a brief silence.

"I don't want to tell them-" Anne began.

"And this way you don't have to," Gilbert finished.

"But they'll still know."

"Anne, they have to know," Gilbert pleaded.

"No! They don't! I decided to tell them, and I started to, but Marilla getting all upset over my wrist made me want to forget the whole thing. I...I'll still tell them- I think- but I'm not going to yet and I don't want to be pushed anymore!"

Gilbert didn't know what to say to that.

"Look, I told them something, didn't I? And it's enough." Anne said firmly.

"But...what if..." Gilbert didn't know if he should re-introduce the topic of pregnancy, but the truth was, it was a good reason for her to tell her family the truth, sooner rather than later. "Anne, have you had any more reason to believe that a baby's come of it?"

Anne shook her head slowly. "I haven't been sick."

He let a breath out. "That's good."

They reached the edge of the meadow. "Look, just think about it, okay? You did part of it already."

"I will think about it," Anne said, her voice smaller now. "I decided to tell them, and I know I should go through with it. I just got scared...she got so angry."

"But not angry with you. That's the important thing," he pointed out.

He looked at her, concerned, and said, "Maybe she needs someone to explain to her what's going on before you tell her. Then when you tell her, she'll be ready."

They just stood there a minute, then Gilbert said, "You just say the word and I'll pitch in, ok?"

Anne nodded, not looking at him.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then." Gilbert said.

Anne nodded. "See you tomorrow."

All right y'all, tomorrow's the beginning of it all going down.