In the Woods When First We Met

196. Distance

With Ruby off to work on Tillie's allegiances, and Jane feeling too awkward to keep up conversation, Anne was left with only Diana for company. She didn't mind that the other two had gone, because it was Diana who mattered most.

Gilbert did not sit with Anne or have any further conversation with her, knowing she had precious little time with Diana, so he left them alone.

Diana was very curious to know about all the time Anne had spent with Gilbert. She prodded her with questions until Anne finally asked, "Diana, we're not courting."

"Oh, I know," Diana said. Then she lowered her voice and said: "But it seems you might, someday."

Anne blushed. "I do like him a lot," she admitted, stealing a glance at Gilbert. "But that doesn't mean anything is going to happen."

"Why not?" Diana asked. "Ruby seems to have gone off him. The other day Moody told her her hair looked pretty. She gave him this long look, like she was thinking, and then during lunch time she told all us girls that Moody had the most 'puppy dog' eyes she'd ever seen."

"Is that a good thing?" Anne asked, unsure.

"I suppose it is, because she blushed scarlet when she said it."

They both laughed.

"Yes," Diana said, "So it's possible she's brewing another romance in her mind now. But about you and Gilbert..."

"Diana," Anne said, "Nothing can happen, so-"

"Why not?" Diana asked. "He loves you."

Anne looked startled by Diana saying that, especially so casually. Then she said, "Because liking Gilbert-"

"Or loving him," Diana put in.

Anne sighed. "That all leads to other things. Calling, courtship, getting married...it's just..."

"What?" Diana prompted.

"Impossible," Anne whispered.

"I don't see why," Diana began, but Anne interrupted-

"Because I can't be with any boy now."

Diana stared at her for a moment. Of course she knew what had happened to Anne, but she had not connected it to anything about Anne's future courtship prospects.

"I just can't," she repeated, shaking her head slowly. "And it's not fair to him."

Diana disagreed. "Anne, he already knows what happened and he's not going to hold it against you. He doesn't think it was your fault!"

"It's not that," Anne said. She took a breath. "I know, now, what married couples do together. None of that nonsense about mice. I know the truth. And I can't."

"Oh," Diana said. "I guess I didn't think about that part of things." She bit her lip, then said brightly, "But maybe Gilbert won't care! He loves you, he would never force you into anything you didn't want!"

"I know," Anne said miserably. "But that's not fair to him. Men like doing that sort of thing, Diana. And I don't think most men really care whether their wife wants to or not, but Gilbert would care- I know he would, he'd never push me! So it just doesn't seem fair to him. He's sweet to not push, but...that means I'd be making him go through life never getting to...to do that."

Diana was quiet a moment. She didn't know what to say.

Anne was thinking.

I never should have told Gilbert I loved him! Now he thinks there's a chance of us ending up together someday. And it's not going to happen. I...I shouldn't have let him get so close.