In the Woods When First We Met

121. To Talk

When Anne was getting ready for bed, Marilla knocked on her door.

"Come in," she said. She stopped brushing her hair as Marilla came in and sat down on her bed.

Anne could feel a talk coming on, and that made her nervous.

Marilla asked, "How was school today?"

"It was good," Anne said.

Marilla waited for Anne to chatter on like she normally did, but Anne just sat there.

"Well," Marilla said, seeing that she would have to prod the conversation along herself, "Your midterm grades are coming out soon, aren't they?"

"I don't know," Anne said. She tried to remember if Mr. Phillips had said anything about report cards. She hadn't really been thinking about her long term grades on a report card; she'd been more focused on the grade she got on each individual assignment.

"Oh, I thought maybe you were feeling nervous about your grades." Marilla commented.

"No, I think I've done all right. I haven't missed any spelling words in weeks, and I've been getting A's on the geography tests, and...even my math grades have been nearly perfect. I think I'm almost all caught up with the others. I expect my report card will be a good one. ...Mr. Phillips even said once that my penmanship was the best in the class."

Marilla smiled. "That's good to hear. I know you've been working very hard. And we're so proud of how quickly you've been able to catch up!"

Anne smiled, feeling warm.

Then Marilla's face changed. "I just hope we haven't put any undue burden on you..."

"What do you mean?" Anne asked.

"If we've talked so much about being proud of you that you feel pressure to be perfect," Marilla explained. "Because that isn't what we want. We'd be happier with you being a mediocre student if it meant you could sleep better at night."

Anne slowly realized what was going on: Marilla had finally noticed that something had been bothering Anne, and she was under the impression that it was her schoolwork.

"School isn't a problem," Anne explained. "I just..."

She wished she hadn't said school wasn't a problem, because now she didn't know what to say was the problem.

Marilla looked intently at her. "Anne, you know, you can tell me anything."

Anne looked down at her lap, avoiding Marilla's eyes. She bit her lip. Finally she said, "There is something I want to ask to you about."

"Yes?" Marilla asked softly.

Anne let a puff of breath out. This was too frustrating. "Um...Marilla, on second thought, I'm so tired right now. I feel like I'll fall asleep any second. Can it wait?"

Her eyes had bags under them.

Marilla looked at her a moment, then conceded. "All right. I'm glad if you can get some good sleep tonight for once. You do look awfully tired."

She stood up. When she got to the door, she said, "You'll talk to me about it, though? Later?"

Anne nodded.

After Marilla left, Anne sat curled up in a ball. She went back and forth in her mind for several minutes, arguing with herself, but finally she came to a conclusion:

No matter how scared I am, no matter how badly this will go, I have to tell them.

I have to.