In the Woods When First We Met

65. What We Can Control

As Anne came into the house, she imagined herself marching into the kitchen and saying to Marilla, "Marilla, I have something to tell you. It's very important, and I need help. Now, I don't want to upset you, but something bad has happened, and..."

But it was no use.

After dinner- well, after sitting with Matthew and Marilla for dinner, as Anne hardly ate anything- she went upstairs to work on her math problems from that morning.

Something about not being able to tell Marilla or Matthew made her even more determined to get all her school work perfect.

She couldn't sleep, she couldn't eat, she couldn't control her feelings or her memories....she felt that school work was something she could control.

She was determined to be the perfect student.

And if she could throw herself into her school work, she wouldn't have to think about what had happened.

Matthew came upstairs to say goodnight to her, since she had never come back down after dinner.

"Busy studying?" He asked, leaning in the doorway.

Anne looked up from her book. "I need to catch up in math. I'm behind the others."

Matthew came in. "Do you need help?"

Anne shook her head. "I think I got it," she said. "It's just a lot to do."

But she sighed and put her pencil down.

"Do you have to finish it for tomorrow?"

"No...it isn't homework. We did it during class, Mr. Phillips had us work on the problems with partners. My....partner...already turned in our paper. I just wanted to work more on it by myself. You know, to keep practicing. I want to make sure I do really well in math."

Matthew smiled. "You're a good girl, Anne," and he leaned over and gave her a kiss on top of her head. "Sweet dreams. Don't stay up too late."

"I won't," Anne said. "Maybe I better stop for tonight. Goodnight, Matthew."