In the Woods When First We Met

147. Mothering

Marilla wished that Matthew had come home with Anne. She thought he should be there, that he should know about this right away, as soon as she did, and that is was something the three of them should discuss as a family.

But he wasn't, and then she decided it was all right, after all. Maybe she and Anne needed to talk, woman to woman.

....Or, rather- she decided with a sudden realization- mother to child.

She came through the door holding Anne's hand.

She led Anne to sit down at the table, and she got her a cup of tea.

Anne's hands were cold as she held the teacup, and her white face had become red and puffy, tears still rimming her eyes.

She would not look at Marilla.

Marilla sat down across from her- but then changed her mind and moved to the chair at Anne's side. ...Perhaps it would be easier for Anne to talk if she didn't have to look directly at Marilla's face.

"He told you everything, didn't he?" Anne whispered.

Marilla spoke carefully- "He told me what happened- he told me that a boy had violated you. And that it happened in the woods on the way to school. ...He told me the name of the boy who did it."

"I feel so ashamed," she whispered.

"Oh, Anne, no..." Marilla said. "You mustn't let him make you feel that way."

"I don't want people to look at me and picture me doing that," Anne said with a pained expression. "I don't want...I don't want that to be what you and Matthew think of every time you look at me..."

Marilla put her hand under Anne's chin, drawing her face up to look her straight in the eyes.

"Do you know what I think of when I look at you?"

Anne had no idea, and her watery eyes were brimming with unshed tears.

"When I look at you, I think how did I get so fortunate to have such a smart, brave, dear child to call my own?"

Anne couldn't see Marilla through her tears.

"I was afraid you would blame me. Because of...because of the whole...the whole intimate relations talk at school...because that's why he did it...because I started the whole thing!"

Marilla didn't know how to approach that. Finally she said, "Anne, I was upset at you for saying those things. But I hadn't stopped to consider that it was unfair for you to be judged for that. You'd been...exposed to things, things a young girl ought not to know yet. I was embarrassed." She set her cup down. "What you said caused a lot of anger at school and in town, and I should have tried harder to make people understand that you were a victim in all of this. You didn't mean to cause any harm to Prissy, you just didn't know any better. I'm supposed to be protecting you; I ought to have defended you more strongly. ...But you saying those things about Prissy isn't an excuse for someone to cause such harm to you. There isn't any excuse for that. Someone committing such an act is so far beyond any justification...no, Anne, I would never blame you for this."

Anne took a shaky breath. "Oh," was all she could say.

"That was quite some time ago, now. And you've carried that all by yourself, all these weeks?" Marilla asked.

Anne shook her head. "Well, I just told Diana about it this week- I kind of had to. And Gilbert's been there all along, of course. ...But now I hate him."