In the Woods When First We Met

64. To Avoid Accusation

"Anne," Gilbert spoke up, finally. "I hate to disturb you."

Anne opened her eyes. It was so cold out, but somehow she was sweating.

"School would be out, now. The sun's getting low. I best walk you home."

Anne sat up and began gathering up her things.

"Are you still nauseated?" Gilbert asked, helping her.

"No," she said, her voice still hoarse. "I'm all right."

They walked to the end of the woods till they came to the edge of the meadow.

"Remember not to tell them Mr. Phillips let school out early," he said. "Or they'll wonder where you were."

"I know," Anne said.

Gilbert was studying her face, concerned.

Anne's tired face looked far older than her tender years, right now.

They stared at each other for a moment, each deep in their own thoughts.

Then Gilbert said, "Why don't you just go ahead in right now and tell them? Just one fail swoop and it's over. It'll be quick."

"...Maybe."

"If you can't do it right when you walk through the door, then try to get it over with before you go to bed tonight. ...Think how much easier tomorrow might be, if they know today."

She looked unsure.

He took out his list. "At least take my list of reasons with you," he said, placing it in her hands. "And...I have another one to add."

"What is it?" Anne asked, biting her lip.

"The possibility of a baby." He quickly rushed on, "Anne, I don't think it will happen and I don't think you should worry about it."

Anne looked down. "You must, or you wouldn't be telling me this."

"I'm not saying it because I'm worried. I'm saying it because you are worried...because you are, right?"

Anne nodded slowly.

"I just don't want anything bad to happen," Gilbert said, "If there's going to be a baby, I think it will be easier for you, in the long run, if Miss Cuthbert knows about this quickly, so she won't accuse you of..."

This was leading to something serious, and the word "accuse" made Anne feel sick to her stomach.

He took a deep breath. "The thing is, Anne...you talked about intimate relations at school. It spread around. Miss Cuthbert wasn't welcome in the ladies' club because the other women thought you were corrupt."

He stopped, then went on, treading carefully: "There's...there's been some...public perceptions of your purity. I'm sure Miss Cuthbert doesn't believe it, but...this idea has already been put into her head...well, it might be all too easy for her to assume the public was right in thinking you have these frequent indiscretions."

Anne's eyes closed, pain in her chest. "But if there's no baby, then there's no need to tell her at all. So I want to know if there is one first..."

"No...I don't know quite how to say this, Anne. I believe the timing here is crucial. If you tell her before it's possible to know if there's a baby, then she will know that intimate relations only happened one time, and now you're waiting to see if anything resulted from it, and she'll be waiting with you, understanding that a baby would be a natural outcome of that. But if you wait to tell her, if you wait until you know for sure that there's a baby, well...I'm afraid..." He bit his lip, finally coming to the point: "She could think you've been having these indiscretions all along, and once it became clear a baby was on the way, then you had to invent a story about being attacked in order to shift the blame."

When she didn't say anything, he repeated himself: "Do you see how that could look? Telling her you're expecting a baby, and then trying to tell her 'oh, months ago I was attacked'. ...She may think you're just trying to avoid admitting to things you've been doing all along."

Anne refused to look at him, her eyes glassy with held back tears.

He squeezed her gloved hand. "Anne, I'm not criticizing you. Listen to me. I believe you. I just want to make sure she believes you, too. If you tell Miss Cuthbert before it's even possible to know about a baby, then she won't think you're just suddenly making up a story to explain why a baby's on the way."

"I never thought of that."

He squeezed her hand again. "Tell them now."