[[[all of your flaws]]] [[[part i]]]

16.

A storm had gathered above London. It had gone from bright sunshine to the middle of the night in minutes. I barely recognised Lily when she emerged from the bathroom an hour later. Her hair wet and loose on her shoulders and looking a lot healthier and happier. She still had bags beneath her eyes and her skin still pale, but even her smile seemed broader now she'd had a bath and that massive sleep. The jogging bottoms were hanging from her slender hips and the tee was four sizes too big in every direction. She laughed when I noticed.

'We need to feed you up some more.' I told her. She turned bashful, but not embarrassed.

'Shall I make dinner?' She offered but I shook my head. She was my guest. 'Please? I don't know the last time I cooked something.'

'Even more reason not to let you, I don't want food poisoning.' I teased her. She began laughing. Not that what I'd said was overly funny. But this laughter seemed to come from her toes and filled her right up. As though she hadn't laughed in a long time and the very act itself made her laugh even more. It was infectious. And the more I laughed at her, the more she laughed still.

It was five minutes before she caught her breath back from giggling.

'Let me cook and I'll promise not to kill you. It's the least I can do.'

'We'll do it together.' I suggested. She nodded, wiping away the happy tears from her eyes. It was then I noticed the cuts and bruising along her forearms. I looked away before she realised I'd seen them. The very thought of someone hurting a person as nice as Lily filled me with anger. It made me feel incredibly protective of her.

She wasn't wrong about not having cooked in a while. She'd decided to make lasagne from scratch but she'd forgotten the recipe. With some gentle coaxing without seeming too patronising, I reminded her to cook the meat first along with onions and garlic, add tinned tomatoes and simmer it down. I mostly supervised and once or twice she ordered me to find certain ingredients. After not even a day of knowing her I could see the person she was, starting to shine through. Not that she was a bossy cow, but it was nice that she seemed more comfortable around me already.

After a lovely dinner, I left Lily to read a book she'd picked from the hundreds on the shelf, curled up on the sofa, as I jotted down some music and lyrics in the corner by the piano. I wanted to make a point of not shadowing her. I was sure after everything she'd been through she'd want some space and some peace. The rain was now beating hard against the glass and the occasional roar of thunder and clap of lightning illuminated the flat.

I noticed her looking over the top of the book towards me with every loud boom above us. And each time, she quickly looked down as though she'd been caught doing something wrong. I'd smiled reassuringly at her. Would she ever truly be healed after what she'd been through? How long had it gone on for? Or did she just not like thunderstorms?

It was coming up to eleven at night when I could hear her yawning. I'd got a few good songs down. But I suspected that she was awaiting my queue for bed time. There was nothing more awkward than being tired at a friends house and desperately wanting to sleep but not wanting to seem rude. But in this case, as I was sleeping on the sofa, I'd need to wait for her to go up into my room.

'Do you want a hot chocolate before bed?' I offered, flicking on the spot lights in the kitchen. She stretched, folding the corner of a page in the book. She'd almost finished it already.

'Yes please.' She came and stood and watched me boiling the kettle and mixing the powder into two mugs. 'My mum used to make me hot chocolate before bed.' She mused.

'Just call me Mummy Dan.' I told her. She stuck her tongue out, genuinely shocking me. This was the same girl from the train yesterday wasn't it? Then why did it feel like we'd known each other forever. It was just a shame I knew nothing about her.

'Thanks again for everything.' She said quietly.

'I've enjoyed the company if I'm honest.' I told her. And that was the truth. Before she'd sat opposite me on that train, I hadn't known what I was going to do with myself. I had been dreading coming back home to an empty flat knowing that Laura would never be here again. Knowing I would be on my own, probably forever. Lily had given me something to focus on, however selfish that seemed.

We drank our hot chocolates in silence, listening to the storm outside. With every flash and bang she would jump slightly.

'Are you afraid of thunder?' I asked gently.

'No...I just don't like it.' She yawned. 'Thanks.' She slid her empty mug away and got up from the table. 'I'll see you in the morning?'

'Maybe. I'm doing some recording stuff again. Do you wanna come with me?' I offered. That would keep her busy.

'I'm going job hunting.' She said.

'We should get you some nice clothes, you'll have a better shot then. Come with me and we'll go shopping afterwards.'

'I can't-'

'You can owe me back.' I told her. I could see the embarrassment rising in her face.

'Ok.' She smiled awkwardly as she padded across the kitchen to the stairs. I figured she'd only agreed to get me off her case. 'Good night.'

'Good night.' I waved.

A while later I lay on the sofa, the blanket pulled up to my chin, watching the silhouettes of cars against street lights dance across the ceiling. The sound of heavy rain and splashing puddles filled the room. I loved a good storm when I was all wrapped up in doors. There was something very primordial about it. A similar feeling to watching a fire burning. I had jotted down a few more lines to a few more songs, hoping to have something ready to record in the morning. Part of me wanted to postpone it for a few more days, at least until Lily was settled. I felt odd leaving her when she could probably do with some company.

'Dan?' I heard a soft whisper at the foot of the stairs, making me jump a little. I sat myself up and saw her stood there, so small and nervous in the dark.

'Are you ok?' I asked. She didn't seem ok.

'I...I erm...could you come lay with me?' She said the words so painfully slowly, as though she was too terrified to speak. I didn't think twice.

'Of course I can.' I felt like crying.

She was biting the nail on her index finger and her feet were shuffling on the wooden floor. Though it was dark, I could see she'd been crying. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and held her close, like I had done on the train.

'You're ok.' I whispered. I let her go ahead of me up the stairs and she got under the covers. I lay down on my back on top of the duvet and she curled up beside me, her head on my chest and her hands tucked between her legs. I draped an arm around her shoulders and back so she felt safe. We didn't speak but I knew within qan hour she had drifted off to sleep, when her shuddering breath finally calmed down.