[[[all of your flaws]]] [[[part i]]]

44.

We spent the entire day cuddling in bed. She was clearly in a lot of pain. When she got up to go to the toilet, I saw her wincing. When she returned to my arms I pulled up her t shirt gently to reveal fresh bruises on her stomach. She was black and blue from her breasts to her hips. I stroked the discoloured skin gently and she began to cry silently. Cuts and foot prints marked her forearms. Her eyes were purple and swollen. But I could still see the beautiful woman underneath and how brave she was. I knew the physical wounds would heal, but would the mental scars ever fade?

She told me everything. Absolutely everything. From the very start. How she'd been raised in a loving home with an older brother and younger sister, doing well in school, she loved playing with her friends, reading and learning new things.

'I met him at the local park and I was just drawn to him. He seemed like a bad boy, mysterious and exciting, not like the boys in school. He was older, a lot older, I was fifteen and he was twenty. But it didn't matter because I fell in love with him. When my parents found out, they hit the roof and forbid me from seeing him again. Which of course only made me more determined. We'd sneak around, staying at his house and telling my parents I was at a friends. And then, just before my sixteenth birthday I found out I was pregnant.'

I listened intently as she spoke, never interrupting, just allowing her to speak. Hoping that getting it all out would help. But the memory she spoke of brought her back to tears and I found it hard to hear. I grasped her hand tighter.

'You don't have to tell me anything.' I told her. But she wiped away her tears and took a breath.

'That was the final straw for my mum and dad. I'd betrayed them and they told me to get out. That they never wanted to see me again. That I was an embarrassment, I'd brought shame on the family. And I loved Steven so much that I just left. I didn't look back. We moved away to Leeds, where his Dad lived and we planned on having this baby together and to be a 'real family.' But, a few weeks later we had some stupid argument, he pushed me down the stairs and I lost the baby.'

She paused again, looking up to the ceiling, trying to stop herself crying.

'I know now that I could never have had a baby with him. I couldn't force him upon an innocent child. But now I was trapped. I couldn't move back home. I couldn't get away from him. He locked me in our flat for days on end. If I tried to leave he'd punch me, kick me, force my head down the toilet. So I stopped trying. But then he continued to hurt me. He told me I was scum. That I didn't deserve to live. That I was the reason the baby died. And I believed him because I loved him, despite everything he'd done, I loved him and I thought he could change, that I could change him.'

She paused again. The whole time she stayed so strong, reliving this horrible past out loud and sharing it with me. I squeezed her hand and smiled softly at her. This time it was my turn to wipe away a tear. I couldn't believe someone could do these things to her. How could anyone hurt someone like Lily? Someone so sweet and beautiful?

'I knew he was dealing drugs, I'd seen him taking plenty of them. Some days he'd make me go into town and steal, so he could sell things. Then that wasn't enough. He began bringing men round. And he would let them...he'd let them have sex with me, telling me that if I loved him, I would do it. That if I wanted us to be together, I would do as I was told. And by that point I was so scared that I had no choice. I got pregnant a few more times, by a few different men and he forced me to have abortions. We'd go into the clinic and have to pretend we were some normal couple that weren't ready for children yet. I found out that he'd been putting holes in condoms and then blackmailing the men into paying extra. Every day was the same. He'd be high on something, knock me about and then bring men round. Every day. For nearly four years. And this carried on until the day I met you.'