[[[all of your flaws]]] [[[part i]]]

40.

I was going to miss work the next day and stay with Lily. I just needed to make sure she was ok. She'd been so devastated by her own admissions. We'd barely slept, she kept waking up, tossing and turning and no matter how much I tried to comfort her, she seemed restless and lost.

But in the morning she was gone. All her things were still there, everything I'd bought her, but the house key was sat on the kitchen side with a hasty note.

'I can't do this. Thank you for everything. Please don't come after me.' Was all it said. And I knew instantly that she'd gone home. Had I pushed her away? Had I come on too strong? Was Stevens pull just too much after years of abuse.

How could I let her go back to him? Knowing what she was going to face. I looked at the photo of us together on my phone and without even thinking, I grabbed my car keys and sped off. If I was lucky I'd beat the train to Leeds. She couldn't have been gone long.

The whole way up I was ringing her phone but it just went unanswered. Of course she wouldn't answer. It had probably been dumped somewhere. I felt frantic. I had to stop her. If he got to her before I did then it would be too late.

When I got to the station, I abandoned the car and ran onto the platform. I looked around desperately but saw no sign of her. I found a guard and asked when the last train from London had come in.

'Half an hour ago mate.'

'Did you see this girl?' I showed him the photo of us. He looked at it for a moment and shook his head.

'No idea. I see hundreds of people.'

I had no way of finding her. I had her name but that was all. I could hardly go to the police as she hadn't exactly gone missing. I knew where she was. I just didn't know where that was exactly.

I knew it was useless but I began walking. Up and down every road. Hoping to bump into her. I asked everyone I saw and showed them the photo. I knew she said she'd been in a high rise but where? There were hundreds of them in the centre alone. I felt utterly hopeless. I continued to ring her.

Maybe I was going about this the wrong way? What if I used a different method?

I took a turn down some alley behind a load of shops and found exactly what I was after. A group of young men, all looking incredibly shifty and like they shouldn't have been there, were stood blocking the way through. I was physically shaking as I approached them.

'Excuse me?' I said to one of them. He turned and gave me a disgusted look. I was about to get beaten up, I was sure.

'What?' He spat.

'I erm...I'm looking for a few things...I...do you know where I could get some coke? I've heard a guy called Steven is big around these parts and...'

'Do we look like some fucking druggies?' Now they were all glaring at me. I was definitely going to get beaten up.

'God, no, I just, I thought you might know him or-'

'I'd get the fuck out of here if I were you mate.' I didn't need telling twice. I practically ran from the alley only stopping down the other end of the road. I leant down against a wall, catching my breath. That wasn't the best idea. I'd be no good to her dead.

'Oi!' I heard a yell.

'Shit.' I muttered. One of the guys had followed me. I didn't have it in me to run away. I'd try and talk my way out of this and failing that, I'd ring the police.

'You still looking for some coke?'

'I...yes?' I was shocked. He wasn't here to kill me?

'Heres Stevens number.'

'How do I know this is the Steven I'm after?'

'I guess you don't.'

'Does he have...erm I mean, does he supply,' I whispered the next part, 'prostitutes?' The mans face broke into a smile.

'Thats the one. Got some bitch called Lily you can fuck for a little extra.' Though I felt absolute joy at the sound of her name, my heart broke at the way he'd said it. Like she was a piece of meat. I took the number written on the back of a cigarette paper and thanked him.

I'd found her.