[[[all of your flaws]]] [[[part i]]]

17.

I'd tried so hard to keep myself together. But in the darkness of his bedroom, all on my own and the sound of the raging storm outside, had bought everything crashing down. I'd felt so much better earlier, so much that I'd even managed to laugh at Dans poor joke about poisoning, and now I felt worse than before.

What on earth had I done? I'd left everything behind, jumped on a train and ended up in a strangers house. What if Steven found me? He was probably out looking for me, cursing that he'd kill me when he found me. And I knew he would. I'd seen him fly into a rage a hundred times. I'd always known he'd been one step away from going too far. This would certainly push him over the edge.

And as much as I hated him, he was all I'd known since I was sixteen years old. It was him who'd talked me into dropping out of school. Him who'd convinced me my parents were wrong about him. He'd come up with the idea of us moving away together. I had been so stupid. I hadn't realised he'd only done that so I had no support and no way out. And it was only now that I could see the hole I'd dug for myself. I'd burnt so many bridges that I could never fix. My parents didn't want to know me. I had no friends. I had no money. And I had no home.

I hadn't wanted to disturb Dan but I was terrified of the storm outside and the thoughts in my mind and with every loud bang, I could just imagine Steven walking in and taking me away. I couldn't tell Dan anything though. I was ashamed of what I'd done over the last few years and I didn't want him to know. I think he'd figured some stuff out, but not even half of the disgusting things I'd done. I didn't want to ask anything more from him, but I honestly didn't know if I would last the night alone.

It felt nice to have his arms around me. Something I'd had a lot of, but never like this. He seemed to genuinely want to keep me safe. And that in turn made me feel so much worse. He never asked for this. I could've sat anywhere on that train but I sat opposite him and had dragged him into this. I found myself sobbing for an hour before finally crying myself to sleep. He hadn't said a word. He'd just held me until I had no more tears to cry.

The morning came bright and as though the storm had cleared the air. Dan was asleep beside me, his face peaceful and calm. I lay there for a while, just watching my guardian angel. I noticed how his skin was freckled and the slight stubble he had growing along his chin. He was a very handsome man. It was nice to wake up to something beautiful for a change.

His phone alarm began to buzz from beside him on the nightstand and I quickly shut my eyes. Pretending to be asleep and not like a creeper. I heard him thrash his arm out to silence it, but it must've dropped to the ground.

'Fuck.' He cursed. It still rang, louder now as it vibrated against the wooden floors. I stifled a laugh. 'Sorry.' He whispered.

'Its ok.' I giggled and hid my face in the duvet. After a few more moments of scrabbling around for it, he turned it off with a disappointed sigh.

'I hate getting up.'

'Same. Let's stay here all day.' I suggested.

'Yes please.' He lay back down, his hands behind his head. I felt so oddly comfortable lying next to him in his bed. The whole situation seemed surreal. This should've felt weird, but it just didn't. It was like I'd known him forever. And despite my reluctance to letting him pay for new clothes for me, I was looking forward to spending the day with him at work.

After ten minutes of dozing in and out of sleep, Dan got up first, allowing me to get dressed as he used the bathroom. I changed into another borrowed tee, this one with a Native American wolf on it, and then pulled on my own pair of dirty jeans. I couldn't wait to have money so I could buy myself some nice things. Not even expensive things, just things that weren't four years old, stolen or ripped.

He warned me that I might be bored at the recoding studio, so I took another book from his shelf. I'd the finished the one I'd started yesterday. I'd loved reading as a child and it was something I'd dearly missed during my time with Steven. I loved how it could take you off to another world, filling your mind with images and life that you could never really reach. I could already feel the cobwebs being shaken from my brain, unused and neglected for so long.

'Ready to go?' He asked, waiting for me at the front door. 'We'll grab breakfast on the way.' We left the building to a bright day. Puddles dotted the pavement, the only evidence left for last nights storm. He pointed out his car but then said we'd get a tube as it was easier. I'd never been on a tube train.

'Are they, like, right under ground?' I asked, nervously. As well as my fear of thunderstorms, I wasn't overly keen with confined spaces. Trains were fine. But a train under neath buildings and tonnes of earth. Not so much.

'This ones pretty deep, yeh. We can walk if you want?'

'No. It's fine.' I shrugged it off, but my heart was beating loud and fast. We followed a throng of people all heading into a doorway. I could already feel the sweat forming on my palms. I had to do this. I couldn't keep letting fear rule my life. I'd been given a second chance and I was sure as hell going to take it.

He paid for our tickets and led us through the crowd and onto the longest, biggest escalator I'd ever seen, taking us down and down into the depths of London. I stood at the very top, taking in a deep breath. He must've read my face as he took my hand in his, squeezing it gently and smiling at me. It didn't take away my fear, but it sure helped. And he didn't let go until we'd boarded a very busy train, with no seats, so we stood up, all squished together, holding onto the hand rails from the ceiling. Our bodies were touching in every place imaginable. Even our faces were dangerously close, so I could see the smirk on his face.

'This is fun, right?' He laughed. I nodded, breaking a smile finally. It wasn't so bad. But it would take a lot of getting used to.