[[[all of your flaws]]] [[[part i]]]

21.

I had a shower, enjoying the powerful lukewarm stream of water and towel dried my hair. I took out another tshirt, this one with some band logo on it and found the jogging bottoms from the day before. I lay down on top of the sheets, far too warm to get under them and tried to get to sleep but I just couldn't. It seemed to be that when I stopped moving and talking, and tried to settle down, all the thoughts came to the front of my mind. The same scenario where Steven comes bursting in playing out in my head. Over and over until I think it's actually happening. I thought that it had been the storm the night before, but even now during the slight hum of the telly downstairs, I felt terrified.

I knew I was crossing a boundary by just cuddling up with him without even asking, but it was where I felt safest. If I was with him, then no one could hurt me. I knew he'd already done so much for me. And maybe he was too polite to push me away. But I instantly felt calm.

I didn't fall asleep, instead watching the programme he had got me to watch unsuccessfully the day before. Or was it two days ago? I was so lost with the week. It had all been such a blur of food, sleep, monopoly, sunshine and thunderstorms.

After a couple of hours of silence, his arm wrapped protectively around me, an episode had ended and he cleared his throat.

'Do you wanna go up to bed?' He asked. I nodded. Please come with me, I pleaded in my mind. He got up from the sofa first, stretching his long limbs and offered me his hand to pull me up. Once I was upright he kept hold of it, leading me up the stairs. He let go only to quickly get changed in the semi darkness. We lay down together, side by side, each of us staring at the tall ceiling above. I found his hand in between us and rolled over, pulling him with me so my back was against his chest. I couldn't believe how well we seemed to fit together and how natural this felt. It wasn't like we'd only known each other a few days. After everything I'd been through I'd never imagined craving another persons touch, but with him it just felt normal.