First Love

Chpt. 35

|Z A C H|

Chas came out of the bathroom with her hair in rollers wearing nothing but my grey button up shirt, which was 2 times too big on her, making it look like she was wearing an oversized dress.

Her eyes widen when she saw what I was watching on the 98 inch flat screen. "You in here watching my shit!" She smiled, happy as fuck. "Bae, why you aint wait for me to finish rolling up my hair?" She pouted. "We usually watch this together. Power is our show."

Noticing how quiet I was, she turned to look at me. "What's wrong?" She walked over to the bed and sat beside me. "Bae, look at me." She cupped my face in her hands, making me look her square in the eyes. "What's the matter? You look stressed. Something going on with the shop?...wait." A look of panic came over her face. "Is Julie okay?"

I took her hands from my face and kissed her fingers. "It's nothing shawty...I'm chillin."

"Mhm", she said, giving me that look she always gave me whenever she didn't believe me.

She knew something was heavy on my mind, she sensed it---she always did. She knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. I guess that's how it be when you been fuckin with somebody for 7 whole years.

"I'll leave it alone for now---but, in the meantime, want me to roll you up another blunt?" She asked softly, knowing the weed always put me in a better mood whenever I was feeling the way I was.

I nodded. "That's kool." I kissed her cheek. "Thank you." She smiled before getting up off the bed and heading towards the sitting room that was connected to the bedroom---the place I usually kept my weed, usually lying around on the coffee table.

While she was gone, I just sat there in deep thought.

Chas was a good ass woman. She been my rock and stood with me through it all, even when niggas was doubting me. She pushed me to work hard at whatever I was doing cause she knew I had potential. She treated me like a king, worshipped the ground I walked on, and most importantly, gave me my beautiful daughter, who was the light of my life.

Rarely did I ever have to ask her for shit cause she just knew. Whenever I looked like I was hungry she'd go to the kitchen and prepare me whatever I was in the mood for. When I looked like I wanted my dick sucked she was already on her knees before I could even ask. Whenever I was down she did everything in her power to bring me back up again. When I was locked up behind bars, she held it down for me and made sure I was always straight. When I was fucked up behind my mom's goin missin while out trying to find her next fix, she was the one that spent all night lookin for her, eventually bringing her back home to me. If I asked her to jump, she'd tell me how high. If I asked her ass to bark like a damn dog she would, just like prince Akeem made that hoe do in Coming to Ameria. She was really my ride or die bitch, and we been through alot of ups and downs these past 7 years.

But despite how good she was, how loyal she was, how trill she was...despite everything she did, I couldn't help but feel out of place through out our entire relationship, as if something was missing. I knew deep in my gut what that something is but I never fully faced it because I've always tried to forget about her except I never could. I know it's fucked up to still be inlove with Alyssa when Chas held me down for so long but my feelings weren't in my control and I've already faced the reality that they were never gonna go away. The feelings I had for her couldn't go away and to be honest I didn't want them to. Alyssa was somebody special to me, it was hard to shake her off, I've been trying to do the shit for 9 years and was never succesful.

Ever since I got back in contact with her all I've been doing lately was thinking about what I could've had, what could've been mines and what I've lost and it's been fucking with me heavy to the point where I couldn't even sleep. I spent all these years missing her, wishing and hoping I could hold her again and now that I had finally been blessed with that chance I didn't wana ever let her go. I picked up my phone, hoping to see a text from her but there was nothing. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. If I lost her again, I don't know what I'll do.

A few minutes later, Chas came back with my blunt, lit and all, and I took it from her fingers, noticing my name printed on her nails. Seeing what I was looking at, she grinned and put her hands in front of her face with her fingers spread apart showing off the nail design. "Ya like?" I took a good look at her. Admiring the beautiful bone structure in her face. "Come here," I said, motioning for her to sit on my lap. She came on the bed and climbed on top of my lap. I kissed her lips. "I love it."