First Love

Chpt. 84

|B R E E|

"Bree girl why you all out here, the party's inside", my friend Luna said to me when she joined me outside on the balcony. I looked up from my phone and her face dropped when she realized the miserable expression on mines.

"What's wrong? Are you okay? Why you looking like somebody died?" she asked, trying to comfort me like the good friend that she was.

The only thing that just died was my heart.

As Luna was staring at me waiting for an answer, I tried to collect myself and breathe again. I couldn't tell her I've been stood up—-especially when everybody else had a date—and I definitely couldn't tell her I was over here tripping over a dude that wasn't mines and probably never would be. I looked and felt like a fool right now and all I wanted to do was lock myself up in my room and never come out. I experience my first heart break by someone I wasn't even with..and someone who I thought would never hurt me—my "bestfriend."

I got up from my seat and picked up my clutch. "I'm about to head out Luna. I really can't stay", I said, feeling my world crashing down. I felt like shit right now and it was taking a lot for me to hold it all together and not burst out in tears at this very moment.

The last thing I wanted to do was let this shit rain on my parade and prevent me from being with my best friend Evelyn at one of her most memorable moments of her life—-her bridal party—but at the same time I couldn't stay because I knew if I did I would have ruined the night for everyone with my fucked up mood.

Luna looked at me with concern in her eyes. "But Bree you just got here. Evelyn's gonna be mad that you left and -"

"Please just let me leave", I cut her off, really not in the mood for this right now, "I can't do this", I said as I walked passed her and rushed out of the back door so Evelyn wouldn't see me.

As I drove to my hotel suite all I could think about was Vicki's text messages.

What is it about her?

I thought about her body and how slender she was. Maybe he still sees me as the fat chubby girl from high school. Maybe I'm not as slim as I thought I was. Maybe I need to get back on diets and hit the gym to lose more weight. Maybe I need to hit the tanning booth and get a bit more darker, I thought, realizing how heavily melaninated she was. Maybe I'm just not sexy enough.

Once inside my hotel suite, I rolled up a flat blunt and took several hits. I don't smoke much, but it comes in good handy when I'm stressed. Beyoncé jumped on the sofa and laid in my lap. "I'm not feeling too good Bey", I told her as I rubbed on her belly. I was feeling at my lowest, and I hated that it was all over a man.

To take my mind off of Jake, I opened up my Instagram app and begin scrolling through it, looking at everybody pretending to have their lives together when in reality their shit was in shambles. I scrolled pass this one girl who was rocking her fashion nova outfit and looked to be having the time of her life at some expensive resort with her girls. I laughed, because her sister confided in me a few days ago that this girl was in a shit ton of debt and was low on rent money. I scrolled passed another person—a guy about my age taking pictures of him throwing 100 dollar bills on a bunch of big bootie strippers at some high end strip club—I'm friends with his sister and I was there when he took those pictures...the money was counterfeit.

Instagram was one big lie and I had to constantly remind myself of that, especially when get to comparing myself to these people and the dream lives they promote on social media. I stopped at a picture that my favorite couple, De'arra and Ken posted. It was a picture of Ken proposing to De'arra. Out of all the fakeness that saturated my timeline, their love was the only thing that seem to be real. I've been subscribed to their YouTube channel for years and one thing I could be sure of was that they were madly inlove. I remember in the comments someone said that they were trying to put on as if their relationship was perfect but that wasn't the case. They once said they have issues like every other couple, it just look like their relationship is perfect because they don't post their arguments and fights on social media...I respect that about them.