First Love

Chpt. 59

| A L Y S S A|

"I love the way this color looks on my hand", my mother said as I applied a fresh coat of dark purple polish on her fingernails as we sat on her queen size bed having some girl time.

Moments like these were what I miss the most about being with my mother. Back at home, we would do this every Sunday---give eachother mani and pedis and just chat like two best friends.

I looked up at the gold facial mask on her face---the same kind I was wearing on mines---and smiled. "Yea, it does...I might even decide to do this color on mines."

My mother was still pretty ill, and it was evident as she was starting to look ten times older than what she was. The coughing didn't stop. Niether did the hair falling and the shortness of breath. I noticed that a couple of her teeth on the sides were even missing. I didn't know what on earth was going on with my mother but whatever it was had me scared shitless out of my mind, and what was more upsetting was that no matter how hard I tried to get answers out of her about her health she wouldn't budge. I even went to uncle Joseph and he assured me she was fine, even though his eyes were telling me different. Regardless of what I was being told I knew something wasn't right, a blind person could see it...something just wasn't right and al though I wanted to find out I was scared of what I might actually find.

I picked up her hand and blew over her long nails, trying to get them to dry quicker. When I looked up I caught her brown eyes staring down at me, closely examining the features on my face.

She smiled warmly at me, her eyes holding so much love. "You look every bit of your daddy...every bit."

"I do?"

Greg---my biological father---passed away when I was only 6 years old and I barely remember anything about him. I always wondered about him and how things would've turned out had he been alive.

"Yep, you surely do. He would've been so proud of you if he was here."

"I wish he was here." I put the nail polish back into the nail supply basket and slid it under the bed where I got it from.

My mom touched the pink and green flexi rods twisted in her auburn hair. "I think my hair's ready now."

"I think so too." I walked over to her side of the bed and stood over her. I digged my hands in her hair, untwisting the rods from her fragile strands.

"How's school going?"

I sighed. "Stressful as always."

"Don't worry about it, you got this, and I can't wait till you get that degree and pass the bar. Just remember what I told you about networking, and it's high time you started looking into internships."

I rolled my eyes, already frustrated and annoyed with this conversation we had everyday. "I know."

"But you'll be fine...I know I'm constantly hounding you about school but it's just that I'm so very proud of you. You accomplished so much---you're in law school, you're doing great financially and you have a wonderful man who loves and cares about you, I couldn't be happier that you found someone so perfect....you know, that day I moved you all the way up here, I wasn't so sure whether I was making a good choice but I see how great everything turned out for you and I know I did the right thing as a mother. I just wish I didn't miss out on so much in your life. Sometimes I don't even feel a apart it." Her voice cracked as she wiped tears from her eyes. This was scary for me because my mom was never the emotional type.

She grabbed my hand from her hair and held it as she stared up at me. "Just know that Every single thing I ever did was for your best interest Alyssa because I love you. You're my little girl---you'll always be my little girl." The tears leaked from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks.