First Love

Chpt. 92

|C H A S I T Y|

I stepped inside, "I swear that damn girl would lose her head if it wasn't attach to her shoulders."

Rhy had left her favorite Barbie at Murk's house and she's been crying about it all last night. She made me promise that I would go and get it for her while she was at her aunt house, so here I am.

"It's probably in the playroom", Murk said to me as he poured himself a drink. Looking at him, you could tell he just left the gym. He wore no shirt and had on some cargo shorts. I stared at him for awhile as he gulped down his glass—he was still the sexiest man I've ever seen and some times I couldn't believe that he was the father of my child or that we lasted as long as we did.

I left the kitchen and went into the playroom like he advised. Being in the same space as him still wasn't easy for me—I don't think it was ever going to be easy for me. Al though I was making an effort to move on by dating other men, the reality would always set in that none of those men were him and once that reality had set in I would soon lose interest in all of them. Therapy was a big help for me though, I mean, shit, I wasn't completely over Murk but therapy got me to the point where I could be in the same space as him without crying or wanting to kill him.

I found Rhy's black princess bride Barbie between the pillows on her bed. I picked it up and chuckled as I thought about the time she told me I looked like this Barbie. That's why I think she goes everywhere with it, because whenever I'm not around she see the Barbie as a substitute for me.

"What's funny ma", I heard Murk's voice behind me, causing me to turn around.

I chuckled some more at the thought, "nothing, I was just thinking of some shit that Rhy said ta me."

He smiled showing off those deep dimples and bright white teeth. His smile was one of the first things I fell inlove with even though he didn't do it often. "Shit, wassup though? I wana laugh too. Tell me." He walked closer towards me and looked down at the Barbie. "That's the one?"

I giggled like a shy ass school girl. Ever since the break up I rarely saw Murk. I blocked him on all of my social media and only saw him in passing when I was dropping off Rhy. He knew I was trying to avoid him, and he's been A-Okay with that.

"Yea, that's the one", I answered.

His blue eyes lifted off the Barbie and onto my face, "it look like you ma."

"I gotta go Murk", I told him as I attempted to walk pass him but he gently grabbed my arm, "Why you in the rush?"

"Cause I just am", I said with an attitude, "can I go please."

"How therapy been treating you?" He asked me, taking a seat on the bed.

"It's been beautiful and my life has been great...even better now that I left a man who didn't deserve me. Any more questions cause I gotta go."

He got up from the bed, "you tellin a nigga you don't miss him?" He asked in that deep sexy voice, causing my panties to instantly moisten.

"Y-yea, that's exactly what I'm sayin."

He brought me closer to him and I didn't protest when he kissed my lips, nor did I protest when he picked me up and carried me into his room across the hall and damn sure didn't protest when he fucked my brains out in every inch of his room.

I laid beside him in his bed, not understanding what just happened and disappointed in myself for giving  in that easily to a man who disrespected me in every way...even admitting to my face that he loved another woman. I went this long making him believe I was over him and just like that I'm back in bed with his ass all over again as if nothing ever happened, as if we ain't spoke in months.

"Murk where do we go from here?" I asked him, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

He shrugged, "we just go."

I rolled my eyes, "what does that mean."

Silence

"What happened to your little girlfriend? You know, the one you said you was truly inlove with and I was just in the way?" My heart broke all over again just thinking about that shit.

"You was right about her shawty. It took me some time to realize it but you was right. I dont know what I was thinking, guess I felt like I was missing something from the past but whatever it was that was there ain't there no more. What me and shawty had was dead, it took me fuckin with her to realize that", he moved me close to him and kiss my forehead, "Listen bae, straight up, I'm sorry for all the pain and hurt I caused you. I had a good thing and I was stupid as fuck for throwing that all away. I want my family back...I mean, There ain't much a nigga could do but say I'm sorry and prove myself to you everyday."

I broke down and cried into his chest as he held me. I thought I'd never hear those words from him...ever.

And al though I knew I shouldn't, I was willing to give him another chance...love just made you weak like that. But I could see it in his eyes that he meant it...that he loved me. Our family had always been the most important thing to me. That's and that's all I ever truly want it—for us to be a family.

"I don't know Murk...I don't know if I could ever trust you again", I told him.

"I'll do whatever it takes to build your trust again", he said softly, "I understand it won't happen over night but I'll give you all the time you need."

"So you don't love her?"

"I thought I did because I thought the shit we had in the past was still there but it was dead the whole time. Shawty did nothing but judge me and I hate judgmental motherfuckas. I thought I knew her but turns out the bitch I knew wasn't her no more. Too much time had passed."

I held on to his chest, "I already went through the process of changing Rhy's name", I looked up to see his facial expression—he was cool as a cucumber, "and I want the tattoo removed", I continued on.

"You got it ma, I promise you that."

"And it's gonna take time for me to trust you and be all the way available in this relationship again. You hurt me so bad, I just need time."

He nodded, "I understood. We could take baby steps. That cool with you?"

I nodded.

A/N: the preview I showed you guys is gonna be for the next chapter. Also, please excuse the typos