rose garden | minsung.

hjs ♡ .10

i calmed down by the time we reached the apartment building. it was hard for me, especially after seeing minho so sad back there. minho was spacing out the entire time we walked back, sniffling occasionally. i wasn't sure if he was crying or not, but i figured i should just let him be. he wasn't himself and i didn't know how he'd act if i bugged him in this state. i still held onto his hand as he led us, but it was apparent his mind was off somewhere else. we were nearing the hallway the dorms were down.

"minho hyung you passed the dorms" i said. he turned his face to reveal that he was crying. he pulled his hand away and continued to walk, this time down the hallway his room was down. "minho hyung are you okay?" i asked, now not being able to hold back my concern. i sped up trying to catch up with him.

"y-yeah" he answered.

it was obvious he wasn't okay. it made me even more worried that he wasn't being honest with me. the way that he tried to hide it. i know i'm not his best friend. i know i'm not his boyfriend. i know i'm not anything to him. and i know i'm not worth opening up to, but i wished he would. i really wished he would.

i reached out to touch his arm, but he pulled away. "d-don't" he said. his voice shaking and low.

"hyung, don't push me away." i blurted out in efforts to get him to reason with me. minho was approaching his dorm room, standing in front of the door. he was taking his keys from his pocket, his hands shaking as he tried to put the key in the lock. the keys fell to the floor.

he sighed, placing his forehead on the door. i bent down to pick up the keys for him.

"thanks" he whispered as i handed him the keys. i nodded.

minho twisted the lock, pushing the door open. he stepped in without saying anything.

"hyung, can i come in?" i asked, holding the door before he closed it.

"i wanna be a-alone" he responded. i already knew what he'd say before he said it, it just felt like another blow to the gut hearing it out loud. he took the bags from me and went into the room, closing the door behind him.

"i just wanted to help." i mumbled to myself. i looked to my feet and started to think.

"jisung, another bad test grade? this is why you have no friends" my mother said, tossing the paper on the floor. she was dressed up like she always was, ready to go out like she always did.

"but mommy, i need you to sign that for me to bring back to school." i told her, picking it up from the carpet. i followed her as she walked up to her room. she was applying makeup, eyeing herself in the mirror.

"do you think mommy is pretty enough to get a new boyfriend?" she asked me, still applying more makeup than she needed.

"you're the most beautiful mommy in the world!" i'd respond.

"you're a little liar" she said, pouting and shoving me out of the way. i followed her out of her room into the dining room where she was setting up her bag. i placed my test beside her purse along with a pen.

"mommy, i need you to sign this for me." i asked her once again.

she was pacing around the room, looking for her car keys. "aren't you too old to be getting your test signed. what are you? 11? 12?"

"mommy, i'm 9." i responded to her as her eyes brightened, finding the car keys. she tossed them in the bag.

"okay jisung, i'm leaving. you're in charge of the house til i get back." she said, slipping into her high heels.

"when are you coming back?" i asked, considering it was already near 11pm.

she shrugged her shoulders, grabbing her coat. "i don't know, but if i'm not back by tomorrow, get ready for school by yourself okay?"

i nodded. "okay, bye. i love you mommy!" and she'd closed the door in my face.

it was just like back then. i must really not be worthy enough to be loved. to be heard. no one wants me and nobody cares.

just before i was about to leave i heard the door open, looking up to see minho standing there quietly.

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cathy has been going through a hard time lately so i hope she'll be doing better soon. i haven't been doing well myself either but the support on this story has made me feel better ! i love you guys so much !! -mina