rose garden | minsung.

lmh ♡ .16

jisung spent more time with hyunjin and felix. which meant i spent more time with changbin and jeongin. it didn't help that i also kept canceling plans on hanging out with jisung after that he just stopped trying. the two later on moved back to their table until jisung stopped showing up at lunch. it really did worry me that he stopped showing up. it's especially really awkward in class i will admit, but i just try focusing in class. we haven't spoken a word or spend time with each other in a while. we have avoided eye contact or crossing each other's paths. i kind of do miss him. now that he isn't bothering me. it makes me realize how lonely and quiet my days can be. i did consider hyunjin's advice as he seemed to have a point. did i still have feelings for woojin? or do i have feelings for jisung? i mean with woojin it was my first relationship and it lasted for a long time. and if i did have feelings for jisung it wouldn't be fair to him if i was still hung up on woojin. i wouldn't want to do that to him. i've hurt him enough to do such thing.

i don't know how to fix things this time between me and jisung. i care about jisung a lot and it made jisung avoiding me to realize it. fuck, why do i screw things up a lot? all i know is that i need to fix this fast.

the whole day seemed to go by really slow and painful. so when it was the end of the day i went to changbin's again. i have been doing that a lot. i kind of feel bad that he hasn't been spending time with felix because of me. so here we were laying down cuddling, watching shrek as i explain things to changbin. he listened well when he needed to. i like that about him. he always helps me even if it means spending less time with felix. damn, i gotta make this up to him.

"i mean the question is do you still love woojin?" changbin asked me as he looked up at me.

"minnie?" woojin asked as he held me in his arms. i hummed in response as we laid on the hood of his car wrapped up in blankets and each other for warmth. "do you love me?" he asked, quietly his eyes fixed on the stars above us. i smiled as i pulled away to look at him.

i held his face, making him look at me. i leaned in kissing him slowly. his placed his hands on the nape of my neck as he deepened the kiss. i pulled away our foreheads touching. "of course i love you. do you love me?" i asked him. i needed to know more than anything. his words and actions spoke differently. he smiled brightly before kissing me on the nose then lips.

"of course i love you. and we'll always find a way back to each other. promise me to always love me?" he asked as he held his pinky finger out. i giggled before wrapping it around him.

"i promise do you?" i asked him.

"promise." he said as he nodded, kissing my forehead this time before pulling me closer to him again.

we watched the stars the night until our eyes grew heavy. our breaths and heartbeat matching up as our chest rise and fell in sync with the other.

at the time i didn't know that he was making an empty promise he would break the next few days on that road trip. i lost a lot on that road trip, but most importantly, i lost the reason i felt genuinely happy. i lost the person who said they would always love me. i gave my all to someone who didn't see me as their everything. now he's just somebody i thought i knew, but he was a stranger to me all along.

"min, hey shush don't, cry" changbin snapped me out of my thoughts as he pulled me closer to him. i sniffled as i tried to wipe my eyes.

i felt pathetic for crying in front of him. he mumbled sweet nothings to me, but it didn't feel the same like when jisung did it. i didn't feel the secure comfort and warmth from him. i know he was doing the best he can but it only made me realize how much i actually wanted jisung. once i calmed down from, crying i wiped my tears on my sleeves looking at my hands.

"i don't love him...i only want jisung" i mumbled, but changbin still heard me based on his expression. it took me this long to finally feel like i can move on from woojin. it was hard for me though. i felt i truly loved him and that i could spend the rest of my life with him. we just had a connection when we met. we built that chemistry along the way and so i always found it difficult to let go. i didn't break my promise of loving him. i fell in love with the person i thought he was. i finally feel the closure not of being able to let my walls down, but to actually be able to accept my feelings for jisung and try to make it work.

"so...you do have a crush on him?" changbin asked still shocked. i nodded weakly in response. "i knew it. me and felix called it." he added, sounding happy as i stared at him blankly. him and felix knew? oh god that means it must be obvious.

"was it obvious?" i asked, feeling embarrassed as my cheeks heated up. i must look like a love sick puppy.

"you weren't, but with the incident at the library i began getting suspicious. it was bound to happen with how close you were getting. he isn't a bad person. and he cares about you for sure." he reasoned i nodded showing him i listened. i know jisung cares since that night he held me when i cried on him. it showed in his actions and he was sincere and understanding the whole time. i care about him too, i just don't know if he knows that.

"well then how do i fix it? jisung is clearly avoiding me and it doesn't help that i cancelled plans with him." i asked him. changbin smacked my arm, causing me to yelp as i held the spot that is bound to turn red.

"first off, don't cancel and try to talk to him. maybe see why he's ignoring you. and you stop running away from him. if you like him you gotta fight for him. or else someone else might come around and it'll be too late for you." he began as he started to think. that can't be good if he's thinking. "oh, you should ask him to spend the winter break with you." he suggested. the winter break? that doesn't sound that bad of an idea. changbin could be a love guru. his advice wasn't bad. he has a point i need to stop avoiding my problems.

"yeah, that could work. but if he doesn't wanna talk?"

"you have a way of persuading people. he can't ignore you forever. trust me"

i felt more relief now that i had a plan. i just hope jisung is willing to talk to me and hear me out that is. i stayed over changbin's that night watching movies to make us laugh. i actually went to sleep that night.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆