The Last Love Of Arthur Morgan

A.M

Well I learned I'm going to be a father for the second time. If the first time worked out I wouldnt be so afraid, but I am terribly afraid. I dont know whether I'm ready for this or not, I'm not exactly young anymore. Lorna fears that I hate her, she even ran away hoping to go back home to California. Luckily I caught up with her and stopped her.

All this time Im wondering why people keep leaving me, then I remember I ain't exactly a safe man to be around. Maybe I should've let her go, maybe she'd have a shot at a better life. Instead, she's back here, puking in a bucket before breakfast, then chores and of course, the occasional drama affiliated with the gang all before noon.

I plan to get us out, because I refuse to let my child grow up in this gang. I've got six months to get us out but I'm scared it'll never happen. Getting in is the easy part, getting out isnt. You never truly leave, no matter what they say. There's always a part of you that longs for the thrill of escaping the law, or the adrenaline rush you get robbing a bank - the first time you kill someone. It never goes away.

To make matters even worse, Mary Linton wrote to me saying that she was in Valentine and wanted to see me. Apparently her brother Jamie joined a cult called the Chelonians. They observe things and meditate, so she says. She asked me to get him because she wants him home, well the stupid fool that I am accepted, and now I'm riding up to Carmody Dell to look for him.

I dont know why I jump when she beckons. I used to love her a great deal, enough that I put a ring on her finger. But I wasnt ever good enough for her daddy and soon I wasnt good enough for her. But now when it comes to her dirty business I'm suddenly good enough.

Funny thing is, I still look at her and want to do right by her. I dont know if that's a good thing or not.

Guess only time will tell if it's a bad thing, though I'm imagining it is. She lead me on thinking she just wanted to be friends, when in fact she needed something. I dont know if I should tell Lorna, she's very emotional these days, dont want to upset her in any way. Maybe I'll just keep it to myself, save me from looking like a damn fool to everyone else.

I love Lorna more than anything, but I worry that she'll end up leaving me too. Everyone always does.

A.M