The Last Love Of Arthur Morgan

A.M

*Sketch of Lorna brushing her hair in front of the mirror*

Dutch, Hosea and me went fishing like old times, we talked a while and laughed, even sung a song on our way back to camp. It was bittersweet. Perhaps it was such a sweet moment because I know it was the last time. I suspect Dutch and Hosea felt that too.

Things are changing everyday and everyday it scares me, but I guess that's all apart of growing up. But some things are changing for the worse. Take Dutch for example, I look at him and see nothing, when I used to look and see a father.

It's harder for me to lose Dutch than it was my own Pa, only because I've known Dutch longer. It hurts more than watching my Pa hang from the noose. I didn't know that man hanging, I only knew his fist.

Dutch never laid a hand on me, never berated me like I was useless. I wasn't sure how to act when Dutch laid his hand on my shoulder or patted my back, the scars from my Pa's belt were still fresh on my skin and in my mind.

I don't know much about fathering, just how to make a baby. I tried with Isaac but I wasnt there for much of his life, just a few times every couple of months. But each time I learned something new. That kid, he was so smart and his imagination, Lord, it was something else. I miss him and I hope wherever he is, he's safe and happy.

I am scared to start over again, but I'm going to try with this child, in honor of Isaac. Everyone keeps telling me it's a second chance, so I'm thinking of it as just that. I love Lorna and our baby very much, ain't too sure what I'd do without them both. Probably be some miserable sap, living to see others suffer.

Speaking of which, I keep thinking of Mr. Downes and what I'd done to him, to his wife and son. It weren't no better than what those men did to Eliza and Isaac. In some ways what I did was worse - I left him to die with his family watching, I didn't give him much room to die with dignity and I still live with that guilt, some days I even hate myself.

Reverend Swanson tells me about the disciples in the Bible and how they were all sinners. Peter was a drunken fool, Thomas was a doubter, Mary was a prostitute, Paul was a murderer and Matthew was a tax collector. Reverend Swanson says I am in good company.

...I don't know what to believe anymore, I just know something has to change for the better. I was given this second chance and I can't mess it up, or everything that happened was certainly in vain.

A.M

*sketch of Cain and Jack splashing in the water*