The Last Love Of Arthur Morgan

A.M

My life has changed a lot in the past month or so. I became a father for the second time, only I pray this time all goes well. I always knew it'd be a girl, and so I wasn't really surprised. However, I was surprised at how beautiful she was and how easy it was for her to steal my heart.

She has my hair and eyes, otherwise she looks just like Lorna, though that could be up for debate. Apparently Lorna thinks she looks like me. I don't think she really looks like anyone quite yet, just some features, but we shall see.

We named her after my ma, well her first name is Lily, but her middle name is Beatrice. I like the idea of calling her Bea for short. I never had the type of ma and pa that would call each other sweet nicknames, I had the type that fought left and right, called each other wicked names and even hit each other. I don't want that for my little girl. I want her to grow up knowing her ma and pa love each other and love her very much. I just fear I'll not live up to that expectation.

I asked Lorna to marry me and she said yes, without hesitation or demands. Unlike Mary who demanded I leave everything for her. I didn't really know how to react when she said she'd marry me, it was the spur of the moment. I didn't expect an answer right away, but got one the very next day.

We haven't decided when we'll get married, but I imagine she'll want to wait until she's healed. That way we can have a proper wedding night. I don't much mind waiting, but she'll want to wait until it's right. I am excited to find out what married life is like, I imagine how it is now, only legal and before God. I'm not a religious man by any means, and I don't quite know if Lorna is, she has never really talked about it - I may have to ask her. 

I met with Mary yesterday, I wasn't happy about our meeting, but it took an interesting turn. Lorna had written Mary days before that, telling her to back off. I was stunned at first, then flattered to know I'm worth that much to her. Mary apologized to me for all she's done and continued to do, we saw a pretty decent show and said our goodbyes. I'm pretty sure it was our final goodbye. Perhaps it's best. I need to move on with my life and so does she. 

I...forgive Mary for what she'd done to me all those years ago, only because I'm finding out that forgiveness is the healthier than hatred or holding grudges. I don't think I ever hated Mary, I just wanted her to feel the pain I felt. But somehow, seeing her after all those years, everything negative I felt washed away. I was right under her thumb and I knew I was up shit-creek. I have to thank Lorna for saving me from being a floor for people to walk on, because if I had it my way, I would've helped Mary again and again.

I am weak. Not physically, but emotionally and sometimes mentally. In my own way, I thank God for Lorna and Lily, they save me everyday that I don't  have to save myself. I've never thanked God before for anything and I don't know where it's coming from. It scares me in some ways, but at the same time, it's comforting. Maybe there is something to all this religion..

(Heh, hope Swanson don't read this)

Anyway, I hear the baby crying, so I should probably go help Lorna. I really do enjoy how my life is turning out, it's finally right for once. But I do fear something bad will happen and everyday I'm looking over my shoulder, waiting for that bad thing to bite me in the ass. But I'm not going to look for it too hard, perhaps it's just me who is waiting for it - perhaps it doesn't even exist.