The Last Love Of Arthur Morgan

Just A Train Ride Home

It took several days for Lorna to heal and even after she'd stopped bleeding, she was still hurting. Her heart that is. The Doctor assured her that she was okay and could go on to have many more children, but Lorna didn't think she'd ever recover enough to want another child. How could she?

Sadie and Betsy were concerned for the girl, as she hadn't eaten or slept very much. She just cried - not all day, but enough.

The children didn't understand why their Mother was so sad, they almost believed it was something they did. Betsy tried explaining it without going into any graphic detail, but they were far too young to understand anything of the adult nature. 

After about a week of touch and go, Lorna decided she should take a bath. And while Sadie took the kids fishing, Betsy helped her into a nice hot bath with bubbles. Then made a delicious supper of roast chicken, potatoes, carrots, corn and biscuits. 

"You'll eat tonight? The kids are getting worried."

Lorna shrugged."I'm not really hungry."

"You need to eat to keep your strength up." 

"For what?"

"For you. For your children....For Arthur," She sat the knife down and turned toward the tub."Miscarriage is hard, I've had two. But you have to realize that's nature's way of saying there something was wrong with the baby."

Lorna looked away, blinking back tears."How much more do I have to take before it's too much?"

"God gives the toughest battles to his strongest soldiers."

"That would explain a lot then," She looked down at the bubbles."How did...How did you heal after your miscarriages?"

Betsy heaved a sigh."You never really do. You just learn different ways of accepting what happened."

Lorna was afraid of that. How could she ever accept what happened? How could she ever learn to live with it? She had to, but how could she? The very thing that gave her joy, was making her miserable. 

Dear Diary,

Something terrible happened a few days ago. I haven't even had the courage to speak it aloud, let alone write it down. I always feel that once it's written down, it's set in stone. 

I miscarried our third child. We were so happy and ready for this baby, I was even starting to show. Then one morning, it just happened. I was making coffee, listening to Sadie and felt this horrible pain - labor like pains and then it all happened so fast after that. 

Sadie sent a telegram to Arthur down in Blackwater - I haven't heard from him yet, but I imagine he isn't doing well. I have no reason to write to him, because it'll only slow him down. I didn't even want Sadie to write him about the miscarriage, but she insisted. 

Some days, much like now, I wish to be a little girl again. I didn't have the best childhood, but I was at least happy for a time. I had Penny and Rose acting as my momma, a couple of school house friends, animals, toys. Now I'm almost thirty and I don't see ahead like I used to, nothing seems bright anymore.

I wish we could go back to the beginning, when Arthur and I first met, just to relive it once more - maybe change a few outcomes, maybe get us all on the right track. Maybe Arthur wouldn't have gone to Mr. Downes ranch and gotten consumption, maybe Sean and Thomas and Hosea wouldn't have died. 

Maybe I'm just longing for a much simpler time to heal my heart. I'll admit, running with a bunch of outlaws wasn't my brightest idea, but in the early days, it was fun and simple. I like to look back on those days, even if Arthur doesn't, and just smile. They were my family too.