BTS SMERALDO THE NOTES 1 (Edited & Translated)

Jungkook: 12 June Year 19

Everything Started from Here
Part 5

Along the way we abandoned the parasol that Namjoon, Hoseok and Seokjin had taken turns holding. It blocked the sun pretty well, but it was too heavy with its steel handle.

"Stop doing that," Yoongi told me.

We were taking a short break. At first, I was confused. In fact, I rarely ever talked to Yoongi and didn't even realize he was actually talking to me.

Yoongi showed me his fingers.

"They'll become like mine."

He also had raw cuticles from biting his nails. I hesitantly put my hands in my pockets. I didn't know how to respond to him.

"What's your dream?" Yoongi asked. "You didn't tell us yours."

He didn't seem genuinely interested in my answer. He just seemed to be asking to keep the conversation going.

"I don't know. I've never thought about it," I replied.

"Well, there's nothing wrong with that."

"By the way, what is a dream anyways?" I asked hesitantly.

Yoongi answered, his voice a drawl.
"I told you. I don't have one."

"No, I mean..." I hesitated and continued. "I was wondering what a dream is, like, what do people mean by a dream?"

He looked at me for a moment before turning his gaze to the sky, frowning in thought.

"A dream is something  you want to achieve? I guess."

Hoseok took over, waiving his phone at us.

"The dictionary definitions are first, 'an imaginary series of events you experience while you are asleep'; second, 'a situation or an ideal you hope to realize'; third, 'false expectations or thoughts that are almost unlikely or completely unlikely to turn into reality."

"Isn't the third definition odd? How can something that is unlikely  to turn into reality be called a dream?" Hoseok responded.

"People sometimes tell you to wake up from your dream. So, if you're dreaming of turning back and going home before we get get to the rock, wake up from your dream!"

Some of us laughed out loud, but the rest were too tired and drained of energy to join in.

"That's weird. How can something that you want to achieve most in your life and something that is unlikely to come true both be called a dream?" Yoongi said, giggling.

"Maybe it means that people are desperate. They just can't give up on their dreams even though they know they won't come true. Just don't have a dream in the first place."

"How come?" I asked him.

Yoongi had started biting his nails again. Feeling self conscious under my gaze, he put his hands in his pockets.

"Because it's tough having one," he answered.

I was curious as to why Yoongi bit his nails but didn't ask. Instead, I looked down at my own fingers. It'd been a habit since childhood to hurt myself. I don't remember when it first started.

All I can recall is the distinct feeling of cutting my finger on a knife one day. After the sting had passed, the wound bled. My finger tingled slightly, but was mostly numb.

Mom took me to the hospital to get the wound stitched up, sterilized and dressed. She pretended to make a fuss over me in front of the doctor but didn't make me dinner or help me take my medicine when we got home.

I didn't really expect her to. She'd been like that since dad left.

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As a person with OCD (dermatillomania)
I can relate to Yoongi and Jungkook's characters.
All I can say is, if you guys need to talk about stuff you're bottling up inside, as an ARMY, I'm one hundred percent here.
💜
It's better to talk about things than to take out your frustrations on yourself by chewing your nails, pulling your cuticles etc.
ARMY is genuinely so special and we're all living this thing called life, together.
💛