BTS SMERALDO THE NOTES 1 (Edited & Translated)

Seokjin: 14 July Year 22

After Returning from the Sea
Part 13

I sat on the bench at the tent bar next to Namjoon. It was after midnight but the tent bar was filled with guests who had come to close their days with bitter drinks.

Namjoon asked me to meet him after his shift at the gas station. He hasn't said a thing to me so far.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

He just smiled and shook his head.

"My life hasn't changed a bit since I was born. It doesn't get better or worse," Namjoon started. "I feel like my energy has run dry. I pretended to be a friend to you guys even when I couldn't do anything for you. It's why I couldn't visit Taehyung or Jungkook again."

Namjoon sighed.
"Here I go again. Making excuses. I'm nothing."

After a few drinks we started talking about our high school days again. That incident with Taehyung on the beach.

"Why did you defend me back then?" I asked Namjoon.

Instead of answering, Namjoon asked me another question.

"Why did you do what you did back then? And your Mom's death? Your childhood at your maternal grandmother in LA? Why did your dad act so coldly towards you when you came back?"

I'd never felt the warmth of family. Maybe I was feeling tipsy or it was the night air, but I started to confide all my secrets in Namjoon. Secrets I'd never told anyone before.

"Now that you've told Le everything, are you ever going to tell the others? Aren't they also waiting to hear your story? Your explanation?" Namjoon finally replied.

"I'm heading home now. It was nice seeing you again, Namjoon."

I strolled along the street, staggering a little bit. The night breeze was refreshing and the moon hung brightly in the sky.

I stopped and stared at the graffiti by the bus stop.

If I told Namjoon everything, would he believe me? If someone else confessed to me what I was going to say, would I believe them?

A few days ago I drove past the convenience store where Taehyung worked. I saw him. He was smiling. He was talking to a customer and laughing. He still has that same square smile of his.

I wondered how he could be so happy talking to a stranger. But Taehyung has always been like that. He laughed at jokes that weren't even that funny and cried for things not everyone found very sad.

I wanted to reconcile with Taehyung. But the question was how? it seemed impossible.

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