BTS SMERALDO THE NOTES 1 (Edited & Translated)

Namjoon: 17 December Year 21

I Must Survive
Part 11

When I put the food down on the table by the rest area and received my payment, one of the men brought up Taehyung's accident.

"It's so dangerous, riding a scooter like that in so much snow," another man commented, clicking his tongue.

"Take extra care riding back, boy," the man, who mentioned Taehyung, told me.

"Thank you for worrying about me," I answered politely, not really meaning it.

If he was so concerned about my safety, he would've stopped ordering food that had to be delivered by now.

"Do you know what's really dangerous?" the man asked me again, just as I was about to close the front door.

"Calcium choride and wet leaves. The snow isn't dangerous by itself, really. Unless you're a really good driver, you'll skid if you ride over the leaves."

I stood there, listening.

"It snowed that day, too, didn't it?" the man continued.
"Then your friend must've..."

I closed the door before he could finish speaking. I cut across the empty hallway, the snack bar, the local specialty discount counter and headed for the exit.

I walked down the stairs one at a time. It was below zero, but it didn't feel that cold. When I tried to pu the key into the ignition, it kept slipping through  my fingers. When I finally got the key in, the engine wouldn't start.  Again.

I clenched adnd unclenched my fist, and tried again. The engine rattled like crazy and finally started. I reversed slowly. As I went down the hill again, aroudn the bend, I came to where I'd first fallen...where Taehyung also fell.

I kept my eyes ahead of me and quickly passed that spot.

I tried to convince myself that I was keeping my eyes on the road to stay safe, but really, if I dared to look at that spot, guilt would've left me distraught.

I felt guilt. Guilt for surviving alone. Guilt for feeling relieved that I was the one who made it out alive. Guilt for not going up to people to defend Taehyung's driving skills. Guilt for not saying that Taehyung did, in fact, wear a helmet.

On the other hand, maybe I was a hypocrite pretending to have a guilty conscience.

ｖｏｔｅ
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