BTS SMERALDO THE NOTES 1 (Edited & Translated)

Seokjin: 2 May Year 22

The Thing With Wings
Part 1

I was so nervous that my fingers stiffened. I clenched and unclenched my fists. What if I fail? Ive done this repeatedly, yes, but every time was never less terrifying.

I took a slow, deep breath and fixed my thoughts on Yoongi.

He must be drunk by now, clicking his lighter, his phone on hand. He might be lying on the couch, contemplating the reasons why he should go on living. Or the reasons not to.

How does Yoongi see the world and himself? I faced this question every time I tried to save him. I couldnt understand how he could keep trying to destroy himself.

This didnt mean I was overjoyed living in this world, or that each and every day of my life was filled with happiness.

In fact, I was never captivated with anything, not even by life and death.

Looking back, I was no different when I first started all of this. Would I be able to straighten out the errors and mistakes wed made and save all of us? I could never grasp the depth and weight of this question either.

It was true that I desperately wanted to save all of us. No one deserves to die, to despair, to be supressed and to be despised. On top of that, they were my friends. We might have had our flaws and scars. We mightve been twisted up and changed. We mightve been nobodies. But we were alive. We had days to live, plans to follow and dreams to fulfil.

At first, I didnt think much of it. I thought itd all depend on how much effort I put in after I figured out who I needed to save and what to save them from.

That was what I had thought. I believed I could solve it all by persuading them and changing things.

I was that simple and naïve. But it was no more than an attempt to save myself. It wasnt so simple to save others.

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