BTS SMERALDO THE NOTES 1 (Edited & Translated)

Namjoon: 28 April Year 22

What to Look for When Lost
Part 9

I knew something was wrong with Taehyung. Although he pretended to be fine, his anxiety came through in his behavior, his expressions and voice no matter how hard he tried. And I knew it wasn't because he got arrested for graffiti.

For Taehyung, graffiti was a game. He found it fun.

His abusive father colored his face with bruises and wounds, sure, but that wasn't why Taehyung was so anxious either. If anything, Taehyung was more happy and energetic around everyone to assure them he was alright after getting beat up.

Taehyung seemed to be trapped in a waking nightmare. I didn't want to pressure him into talking. I decided to wait until he opened up to me himself when he was ready.

Truthfully, I didn't even see myself qualified enough to even listen to his troubles. I really tried to be a good Hyung and act the part of a mature young man, but I always shied away from being there for everyone when they were going through their most difficult times.

They sure thought I was mature and all grown up, but I knew I wasn't.

Taehyung had nothing to do with my past, but in that moment of seeing him so anxious, I was reminded of what I'd experienced in that that country village. The boy I'd met in that village reminded me of Taehyung. Now Taehyung reminded me of him. It was strange.

"I have a favour to ask..." Yes, those were the boy's last words before he skidded on those leaves going down the hill.

What favour? Did the scooter really skid on those damp leaves? Did the dogs in that village still bark at those that passed by the every day? What about my parents?

I shook my head and stood up, forcing the thoughts away. Taehyung had fallen asleep.

Just as I was about to leave the container, Taehyung tossed and turned. He must've been having a nightmare.

"Taehyung, wake up," I said shaking his shoulders.

He woke with a start and opened his eyes. He sat here absentmindedly for a few minutes before tears started running down his face.

"Hyung, Yoongi died...Jungkook fell off a rooftop...and you...you got into a fight..."
Taehyung sobbed loudly, his words watery as tears pooled in his eyes.

"I've had this dream over and over and over...." He looked down at his hands.
"And it's always so vivid...is it a dream? Is reality a dream or dream our reality?"

"Please stay with me. Don't leave me," Taehyung finally met my eyes.

His face was strikingly much like the boy's from the village in that moment.

I couldn't bring myself to give him an answer....to say that he didn't need to worry...that I wasn't going anywhere.

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