BTS SMERALDO THE NOTES 1 (Edited & Translated)

Hoseok: 20 May Year 22

The Topmost Floor in the City
Part 13

I left the police station with Taehyung. "Thank you." I bowed gratefully, thanking the police with much energy, but really, I wasn't in the mood. Taehyung's house wasn't far from the police station. Maybe he wouldn't be in so much trouble if he lived farther away. The world was so unjust to this foolish, sensitive kid. He had a good heart.

"Are you hungry?" I asked Taehyung, slinging an arm over his shoulder. Taehyung shook his head.

"The police know you so well by now. They welcomed you back with a meal, right?" I tried. Taehyung didn't say anything and remained quiet as we walked back home.

The two of us walked with the sun on our backs, but the icy wind nipped at my heart. I couldn't imagine how much more pain Taehyung must be feeling. My heart was simply aching while his was probably ripped and torn. Or, does he have anything left of his heart at all? How much anguish has he endured?

I looked up instead of locking eyes with Taehyung. An airplane flew past.

Taehyung had a scar on his back. I remember when I first saw it. We were in Namjoon's container. I couldn't bring myself to ask him about it that time. He was too happy then for me to ask.

I didn't have parents. I couldn't remember Dad at all. My memory of Mom stopped at the age of seven. I probably had more had more open wounds and scars regarding family and childhood than anyone.

People always said with ease that we need to overcome our wounds and embrace them as a part of ourselves. They said we should reconcile and forgive to move on with our lives. And it wasn't like I didn't know all of this already. I really wanted to try it, but even if I did try, it didn't always mean I'd be successful.

No one taught me how to heal and move on. The world gave us new wounds before the old ones could fully heal. Surely, no one in the world could avoid getting hurt. I was aware of that. But do we really need to get hurt this deeply? For what? Why did we have to go through life hurting like this?

"I'm okay, Hyung. I can walk home from here," Taehyung told me at the intersection.

"I know." I carried on walking ahead of him, leading the way.

"I'm really okay, Hyung," Taehyung protested. He slipped in front of me, grinning. "See? I'm fine, Hyung."

I didn't respond. I knew he wasn't okay. I also knew that if he told me he wasn't okay he wouldn't be able to bear it. He was just ignoring his feelings, pushing them away. It was a habit.

Taehyung put his hood up and followed me. We walked in silence until we reached his house.

"Are you sure you're not hungry? Really?" I asked him.

He nodded, offering me a goofy smile.

I stayed for a little while, watching Taehyung go inside. When he closed the door I walked back down the bleak road. We were both alone again.

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