BTS SMERALDO THE NOTES 1 (Edited & Translated)

Jimin: 11 May Year 22

The Topmost Floor in the City
Part 3

When I was taken to the hospital after they found me unconscious at the Grass Flower Arboretum, my parents didnt ask any questions. They ignored the fact that I had blacked out there. It was the same when I developed seizures. They hospitalized me, discharged me after some time, then transferred me to another school. Family reputation was important to them. A son with mental illness is unacceptable.

I didn't become a good kid overnight. There was no dramatic event or memorable incident. I just continued to give up on myself bit by bit. I stopped crying and longing to go outside at some point. I stopped dashing towards the door down the hallway.

I attended school between hospital stays, but I knew Id be sent back eventually. It felt refreshing to look up into the sky and enjoy the fragrance of each season. But I tried to not remember them. They'd soon be kept from me anyways. Friends, too. A history of mental illness was not helpful when trying to make friends.

There was one exception. I met a group who felt like true friends. It was almost two years ago. I tried really hard to not remember them. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't help but recall those days. I had to part with them after having a seizure at the bus stop. It happened after school. Th last thing I remembered were the Grass Flower Arboretums shuttle buss windows as the door opened. The next thing I knew, I blacked out.

When I opened my eyes, I was at the hospital. Mom was over in the corner talking on the phone. My mind whirled for a while. I didnt know where I was or how I got there. I looked around, noticing the windows. They were covered in metal bars.

Then, it all came back to me. The blue sky I saw on my way home. The silly games wed played at the bus stop. The Arboretum shuttle bus stopping for passengers.

I shut my eyes. But it was too late. The front gate of the arboretum was already jammed into my mind. It was the day our school had a picnic when I was in first grade. I was running through the rain with my backpack over my head. When I reached the warehouse in front of me, I went through one of the doors that was left open. The sticky, musty smell, heavy breathing, the screeching of metal

I shot upright in bed. "No! I dont remember! I forgot!"

Mom came running, calling for a doctor. I shook my head violently. I ran my hands over my body, everywhere, to try and get rid of that smell, that touch, that sound, that sight. But the memories kept flooding in. The dam that held them back those past ten years collapsed and every detail of that day surged through my mind. It was too much. I felt as if everything was happening all over again.

And because it had been too much, I had a seizure and was given an injection. The drug made it into my system, helping me slip into a sate of bliss quite quickly. I closed my eyes and wished this was all a dream and that, when I awoke again, I wouldnt be able to remember a single thing.

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