BTS SMERALDO THE NOTES 1 (Edited & Translated)

Hoseok: 25 July Year 22

The Direction Where the Sun Rises
Part 1

I ran into Yoongi on my way to the practice room after going to the hospital. I stopped. Why was I going to the practice room? What would I even be able to do there? My ankle had gotten worse. The soft cast I had was replaced with a plaster cast.

"You shouldn't strain your ankle," the doctor had scolded me at my follow up appointment.

I couldn't sit down while working at the burger joint. I couldn't sit down in the practice room either. I was always on my feet.

"You have to be extra careful with your ankle," the doctor told me. "It's been injured before and you might suffer permanent damage if you don't take extra care."

I entered onto the main road leading to my house on my crutches. I hadn't gone home at such an early hour before. I never skipped training without a special reason.

That was when I crossed paths with Yoongi. He was drunk and staggering at the cross-walk. He brushed past me, not sparing me a second glance. He was probably too out of it to recognize me.

I fixed my gaze on the "walk" signal. Two days after my visit to Jungkook, id gone to Yoongi's workroom. He didn't answer my calls, so I just went straight over to see him. I remember I went early in the morning before my shift at Two Star Burger.

I knocked on the door with no answer. I heard music faintly on the other side. I thought of calling him again, but decided against it. I kicked the door instead.

I'd known Yoongi since middle school. I knew how his mom had died and how her death had impacted him. How he'd struggled afterwards. I tried to be a comforting and reliable friend for him. I laughed off his harsh words and took him around with me even though he was annoying. But we all weren't that important to him.

We all thought Yoongi must at least think some importance of Jungkook. He surely knew how much he meant to Jungkook. Yoongi heard about Jungkook's accident through Jimin. He didn't go to the hospital to see Jungkook.

To make matters worse, a girl who claimed to be Yoongi's music producer approached me asking where he was. She said she wasn't able to contact him.

Finally the "walk" signal went green and I made my way across the street. I tried to not look back, but I couldn't help it. Yoongi lay on the street near a vendor selling accessories. The owner was yelling at Yoongi, trying to get him away.

I decided to approach him, since he clearly wasn't in any shape to help himself.

"When are you going to stop doing this?"

He stared up at me blankly.

"Do you think you're the only one going through a difficult time? Do you think I put on a smile every day because my life is actually going great? Tell me. Why are you so upset, Yoongi? Everyone knows you're good at music. Everyone willingly puts up with you when you act up.

And I get it. Youre in pain because your mom died. I know, okay? But you can't be like this forever. Are you going to make music? Can you live without it? Has music not made you happy at least once?

And why didn't you go see Jungkook when he was in hospital? Don't you know how much you mean to him? Can you not just realize that we're all hurting? Don't you see that?"

I didn't mean for my words to sound as harsh as they did. I was just really angry. It wasn't Yoongi's fault entirely. I was upset with my situation as well. Injuries were always a struggle for dancers. But injuries could be fatal for a dancing career.

I thought I'd never get hurt. But this injury was so unexpected despite being careful. It was my fault. No one else was to blame except myself. Every time I danced after this, I'd be too cautious, dispirited even. I couldn't live without dancing. Even though I was injured, I couldn't give up. I had to keep going.

When Yoongi didn't say anything, I spoke again.

"It's time to stop running away, Yoongi. If you're going to run away again, don't ever come back."

With that said, I walked away and back across the street.

"Hoseok."

I didn't look back. I always blamed myself for everything that went wrong. I always thought "maybe I should've done this or that" but you know what?

I didn't want to live like that anymore.

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