BTS SMERALDO THE NOTES 1 (Edited & Translated)

Namjoon: 13 June Year 22

After Returning from the Sea
Part 5

It was the middle of the night by the time I arrived at Jungkook's room. He looked fine. He was laughing and talking a lot. I did too. We caught up and talked about almost everything except what was important.

I was waiting for Jungkook to ask about that night. Ask what we'd fought about, why we left, why we didn't come back.

I wasn't any different. I waited for him to ask. I didn't tell him why I left without saying anything. I didn't ask Seokjin about Taehyung and their problems.

We all just kept our questions for each other to ourselves. We should've asked each other. We should've sorted things out.

On our way back Seokjin asked me if I was alright. I hadn't said anything the whole trip.

I told him I didn't know why. I apologized. I told him I was okay.
We didn't speak again after he dropped me off at the gas station that night.

I watched Seokjin drive away. The street was desolate. I crossed the street when I was allowed to and made my way along the railroad. My home was the fourth container from the end of the line. We'd had campfire here before we'd gone to the sea. It was my first time coming back here after the trip.

The container was dusty. It took a while for me to get used to the darkness. I'd heard from Jungkook that the others hadn't kept in touch after our trip. No one told me how Taehyung was doing. Nothing much would've changed there anyways.

Taehyung's only place of shelter was my home, this container. He probably came by. I never came back to this container for quite some time. I'd just gone between the library and the gas station. I'd been avoiding Taehyung in a way. Seeing him again would only be emotionally exhausting.

As I got used to the darkness, I finally got to really look at my home again. We had so many memories together in here. I'd lied to Seokjin. I really wasn't okay. Jungkook wasn't okay either. He'd been in a serious accident after all. 

I couldn't just run away from them anymore. We had loads to sort out. If Taehyung and Seokjin hadn't fought and if I'd stayed...maybe Jungkook wouldn't have been in that accident.

But I'd just brushed Seokjin away. I'd lied to him. I wasn't okay. He wasn't either. I'd casually talked with Jungkook. As if nothing was my fault. I'd told him to recover quickly. And then I'd left.

I really hadn't changed. I still hesitated. I didn't ask the questions I needed to. I was still so indecisive. It wouldn't get me anywhere at this rate.

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