BTS SMERALDO THE NOTES 1 (Edited & Translated)

Taehyung: 10 July Year 22

After Returning from the Sea
Part 11

I ran down the sloping roads and through all the narrow back alleys of my neighborhood. I'd been here for twenty years. I knew this area like the back of my hand. Every corner brought up so many childhood memories.

But this wasn't the time or place to be reminiscent. The police were chasing me and I couldn't afford to get distracted. But as I turned every corner and jumped every fence, it felt as if i were traveling back in time.

I spray painted graffiti on the bus stop for the first time in a while. After such a long time, a girl had somehow led to me being rebellious again. And then I'd picked up those familiar cans of spray paint again.

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A few days ago I caught her stealing food at a convenience store. She was scared to have empty hands. Much like me, when I wasn't doing graffiti. I knew exactly how she felt.

But you have to face the truth and realized that your hands are empty, that you're empty. You have to accept your situation. And no one else can do it for you.

I couldn't ignore her. I couldn't stop looking at her. I recognized that look on her face. The look when you feel like you don't belong anywhere in the world. When you're afraid you're responsible for everything that went wrong in your life. When you're lonely and don't know where to head next.

After that day I saw her more frequently. We didn't do anything special together. We just sat along the street or walked along the rail road. We even graffitied together.

She held the spray cans awkwardly at first. She tried hard to copy my technique.

And that was when we went to the bus stop. Namjoon always came off here. The police were here often as well. I once got caught doing graffiti here too.

The girl tried hard to see what I was thinking as I paused, spray can in mid air, lost in thought.

I hadn't been in touch with Namjoon after the hospital. Several days ago I did pass his trailer though. I was walking around to avoid going home to my dad, who'd been drinking and had a temper.

The light was on inside his trailer, and music was playing softly. I sat near the trailer and looked up at the sky. There were no stars in the sky that night.

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The police were catching up to me quickly. I was hiding in an alley with a dead end. There was no way out. My fate led me here. It was meant to be. Even if I stopped thinking back and concentrated on my current situation, I'd get caught.

Empty fists couldn't solve anything. I walked out of the alley and out both my arms up.

Finally, I surrendered. 

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