Chasing Stars: part of the Chasing Forever series: Book 3

Chapter 53 Thoughts

Emma's P.O.V.

september 2nd...Henry, River and Ronny's first day of school.

*ring....ring...ring...*

I was calling Louis, making sure it was seven o'clock in England.

"Hello?!" Louis chirped "hi!" i said happily "Emma!...Ronny come talk to mommy" He yelled and i could tell he pulled the phone away from him so it wouldn't be so loud in my ear. i heard numerous foot steps running down the stairs and then i heard my beautiful baby girls voice

"hi mom!" she said happily "how are you?!" i asked "Good" i could tell she was smiling "are you exited to go to school?" i asked "mhm" she said happily "tell me what your wearing" i instructed "i'm wearing...purple pants and a pink too-too and a white shirt with a puppy dog on it" she explained.

I could tell she was going to do well in school because she was already so smart. she knew basic colours and she could almost count to ten and she knew the first third of the alphabet!

"And you hair?" i questioned "pigtails"

I closed my eyes and tried to imagine Ronny in the outfit she described to me. she was beautiful. Her Big brown eyes shone with excitement and in my vision she couldn't keep still. I laughed at my thoughts.

"I bet your getting big" i smiled "thats what daddy says" she said matter-of-factly. i laughed "can i talk to daddy now?" i asked "mhm" she said before there was silence and then i heard Louis voice

"Hey" he said happily "a pigtails eh?!" I laughed "yah eh!" he mimicked me "shut up! i'm a proud Canadian!" i yelled, laughter still in my voice. there was silence "i miss her" i said tears forming in my eyes "i miss you" i added "we both miss you" Louis said. there was more silence "hows your therapy going?!" he asked "i don't wanna talk about that" i said quickly. Louis sighed. more tears formed in my eyes and soon spilled over onto my cheeks. "i have to go" i said trying to make it sound like nothing was wrong. "ok" Louis sighed "you did i good job raising our daughter" i said pushing the rest of my tears back "bye" i could tell he was smiling. The line went dead.

I sat in my wheel chair for a few minutes before wheeling into the bathroom to ease my pain. i opened the door to the cupboard underneath the sink when i was cut off.

"Emma! have you seen my small knife?!" Mom yelled from the kitchen. "No!" i yelled clinching the knife in my hand.

Kendra's P.O.V.

"Emma! have you seen my small knife?!" i said looking in the drawer again and then checking the knife block once more "No!" Emma yelled back.

I stood straight up as reality hit me.

What if Emma....No!

I was still trying to convince myself that i imagined the whole thing

Flashback

Emma stretched her arms up and turned her palm towards me revealing numerous cuts on her wrist

End of flashback

I didn't want to believe it

But my thoughts took a turn for the worst; Harry

Flashback

"HAROLD EDWARD STYLES WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!" i yelled when Harry walked in the house. then i looked at his hand . he had a whisky bottle three quarters empty safely wrapped in his grip . he took a sip from the bottle. "Harry?! Harry give me that!" i said walking towards him. he reeked of alcohol.

He just smiled "i love you!" he slurred wrapping his arms around me. "Harry stop! your drunk!" I yelled trying to get free. "come on sugar!" He whined "Harry let me go!' i yelled still trying to get free "come on baby!"

"HARRY!" I screamed.

every one ran out of the kitchen and into the living room. Louis and Niall pulled Harry off of me and threw him on the couch. i cried in Jen and Chell's shoulder.

"Harry?! whats going on?!...have...have you been drinking?!" Louis asked shocked. Harry didn't say anything. "go to bed man!" Lou ordered. Harry left the room.

I cried in the girls shoulder. "what happened?!" Jen asked "i don't know! he just came in drunk...i'm scared Jen!...i don't need this...not now!" i cried. "Just try to avoid him for awhile...k" Lou instructed i nodded.

End of flash back

That memory haunted me. the person i though was safe was really the devil in discise and he could have exploded at any minute

And yet i forgave him! what if nobody was in the house?! what would have happened to me?! he doesn't deserve to be forgiven! plus numerous other little events like that plus the "thing" and...and...he just....AHHH!

i calmed myself down and sat at the table

My trail of thoughts then turned to the day Jady was born...the day Kenna died

Flashback

"Mornin' beautiful!" Harry smiled walking in my hospital room with a tray of food. "mornin'!" I said smiling as he put the tray on my lap. "i'd better feed the little ones before i get to carried away!" I said placing the tray on the table next to my bed and got up out of bed and walked over to the two cribs that held our daughters.

"Kenna?" i said shaking her a bit to wake her...she didn't move. "Kenna?!" I yelled, more panic in my voice, shaking her her harder. she still din't move "KENNA!!!" I screamed scooping her up in my arms as tears started to flow in panic. "WHAT?!" Harry asked worried "SHE'S NOT BREATHING!!! NURSE!! SHE'S NOT BREATHING!!!" I screamed screamed

collapsing to the floor in tears, holding Kenna close to my chest and rocking her back and forth hoping she would wake up...she didn't. i felt Harry's hands grasping my shoulders. i heard nurses rush into the room. then they took my baby away from me...and i never held her again

End of flash back

That brought me back to Kenna's funeral.

I didn't talk about it at all and i didn't like to think about it.

Flash back

I approached the box. it seemed so small. but inside was my sweet, innocent, baby girl.she was dressed in a beautiful white gown with roses, beads and lace on it. she had a lovely silk headband with a bow on top, on her head. she was so small she couldn't properly fit inside the box.

I reached out and cupped her face with my hand and felt her cold yet soft cheek. i was trying so hard to hold back my tears. i felt the material of her dress. it was corse, gritty material that did not seem comfortable at all but the well padded, silk lined box made up to that. next i felt the silk that lined the inside of the box. i was smooth and soft.

This will do just fine i thought

By now tears were pouring from my eyes and i was gasping for air. i didn't even know Harry was beside me until he comforted me with a hug and we cried together.

"My baby! my baby" i slurred into his chest.

~~~~

Before we buried Kenna we all gave her somethings that we thought she might like.

"Every girl needs a doll" Michelle said placing a small doll in the box. Jenna knelt down a placed a harmonica in the box "i think you'll be a good musician". mom and dad placed a wool blanket on Kenna "so you'll be warm" mom said wiping her tears dry. "If your anything like me...you'll need this" Niall said placing an empty bottle in her hands. Liam bent over and placed a stuffed dog beside her "every little girl needs a puppy". "Your gonna need some shoes" Zayn said slipping some tiny Vans on her bare feet. We all laughed a bit but it hurt to laugh. each of the Little Mix girls gave her a fake butterfly "now you have wings to fly" Perri smiled. Louis bent down and placed a kiss on her cold lips. "now i'm your first kiss" he smiled

Now it was time for Harry and I.

"for your endless beauty...my little surprise" Harry said kneeling down and placing a single rose in the box. Now it was my turn. i tossed a picture of everyone (the boys, the Little Mix girls, Harry and I, Jenna and Michelle) "so you know what we look like when we meat again" i said as more tears rolled down my face.

Two men closed the box and lowered my daughter inti the ground, never to be seen again on earth.