THE LOVECHILD Ft.Trey Songz

love IS sacrifice

Lanila

Love and basketball's credits rolled up on the 32 inch flat screen television at Miranda's apartment. Miranda, Alicia and I sat on the couch popping popcorn into our mouths as Miranda turned it off. We were having a girl's night just chilling, eating, talking, and watching movies. We did this almost every month at least once or twice a month.

"That is my movie," Alicia said. "No matter how many times I watch that shit, I still love it." We all busted out laughing because we knew what she was saying was the truth. That movie was one of the classic movies that you could just watch over and over and never get tired of it.

I looked over at Tarahji who had just fallen asleep about five minutes ago. She looked so much like her father, slept like him too. I sighed, just thinking how there was no denying that Jahbari Samuels had a helping for making this child. It's funny how she liked similar things just like her father.

"He's back in town," I blurted out. Miranda and Alicia looked at me in confusion waiting for me to clarify. I don't know what possessed me to open my mouth to say that but I did. Maybe it was because I felt like I needed to tell someone.

"Who's back in town?" Miranda asked me.

"Jahbari." I said.

I watched as the two looked at each other, surprised. "How you know that?" Aly asked me.

I sighed, "I ran into his mother at Wal-mart." I said. "And she told me all about him graduating and him moving back, and how their family was having a big party for him. She invited me to come but I told her that I wouldn't be able to make it." I told them.

"And why won't you go missy?" Miranda asked me.

"Because bitch why should I?" I said as my Rahji stirred in my arms. I looked down at my baby and hoped that she hadn't heard my slip up. I made it a habit not to curse around her. But, when she did catch me she had me put a quater in a jar that was titled 'bad words'. I didn't need her to catch me now.

Thankful that she hadn't, "He was the one who left me and hadn't called me to see how I was doing. Why the heck do I need to go and see him after all these years?" I asked them.

Silence engulfed the room, "I still say that you should go." Alicia said. I shook my head. These hoes still want me to go. What can't they get that he left and never looked back? "If you want Mimi and I can go with you. Just tell us when and—"

"That won't be necessary." I told her. "Because I'm not going." I said. "And even if I did go he would not even recognize me." I said in a soft tone.

"Well of course Lai," Mimi said in a duh tone. "You've lost a lot of weight since you two last seen each other. We're talking about four years later. Do you really expect for him to recognize you instantly?" she asked me. I gave her stern look which read I am not even going to answer that.

"And even if he doesn't recognize you instantly, I think he should know about Rahji." Aly said. Okay, now I was really about to get upset now. "And yeah, shit, I would have been pissed if a nigga done left me knocked up and hadn't even called after promising that he would... but he still has a right to know about Rahji."

"Yeah, Lai," Mimi says cosigning with Alicia. "He should know about her. I still say whether he called or not you still should've told him about her before he left." Are you fucking serious? These bitches are ganging up on me blaming me because I didn't tell him.

I stood up with Rahji in my arms, "I did what was best—"I said raising my voice an octave higher. I walked over to the door to grab my keys on the key holder. There was no way I wanted to stay here to finish this conversation.

"No, you did what you thought was best and it wasn't." Mimi said cutting me off. I stopped moving and looked at her."We all know that that was not the best option but you did." She said in a softer tone. "Tarahji needs her father to be there in her life. You can't keep her from him. He's got to know." She said nodding her head. "Now, I'm not saying that you're a bad mother because you're a great mother. You sacrifice so much for this little girl and..."

I started talking over her, "Exactly, I did sacrifice so much for her." I said as tears escaped my eyes and rolled down my bronze cheeks. "I'm her mother, father, friend and whatever else she wants me to be." I said angrily.

"We know," Aly says. "But, there are going to be some things that a mother cannot do for her child. And she'll need him. You can't protect her from the truth and you can't always protect her from all the harm in this world. She needs him. She needs a father figure." She told me.

Silence engulfed the room again and all that could be heard was my silent sobs. We all had tears streaming down our face. They were right. I couldn't keep her from the truth and I damn sure couldn't protect her from all harms. But what if...? I thought as the tears started coming harder as I thought.

"But, what if he doesn't want her?" I asked them. "What if he denies her and doesn't want to be in her life?" I started rambling off questions that were on my mind. Throughout the years I cannot count how many times these questions have run rampantly through my mind. I just needed assurance. And even if my friends weren't actually him to answer these questions I needed for them to tell me anyways. "After all it's been four years since I last seen him. He might claim it's someone else's and I'm just trying to penning her to—"

"Hush now," Mimi says after not speaking for a while. "He will love her and accept her in his life. He will be a part of her life."

I took in what she said and all that Aly said also, "And what if he doesn't want to be a part of her life?" I asked again. It never hurt to have just two percent of your thoughts on the negative side. It really doesn't because you never know.

We all looked at each other, "Than I guess you'll have to continue to raise her like you've been doing?" Alicia says."Heck, you already know that you don't even have to do it on your own. Mimi and I will continue to help you out andTrey." She said reminding me. "We love you and Tarahji and we'd never leave you to raise her alone."

"Awe," I said as they all came towards me wiping their eyes. "I love you guys too." I said as we all shared a group hug while Rahji was still in my arms.

"So, you know what that means..." Alicia says. "You have to go to the party. You don't have to tell him then. Maybe after or something. But, you're going to have to tell him." She told me. I sighed nodding my head, she was right. I would have to tell him eventually. Maybe not then but I will.

"So, let us know when it is and when it'll start so I can make sure I'm present to get my plate of food—" I rolled my eyes at her greedy ass. I shook my head. As long as I knew them both, Ali could put a fork in her mouth and never gain a pound. I don't know how she does it because she doesn't even work out.

"Uh, I don't think so." I said. "I might go but I don't want ya'll there." I told them. Alicia gave me a sour look. I looked at the clock on Mimi's wall and saw that it was well past mid-night. I needed to get home. "I need to go," I said looking down at Tarahji in my arms.

"Well, let us know the info when you get it." Alicia said again totally disregarding my last statement. I shook my head. She really was set out on going to that party. "I've got to get going also." She said to Mimi. Miranda opened the door for both Alicia and I as we exited her place. "Talk to you tomorrow." She said to Mimi.

"Me too." I said. "Good night."

"Night, ladies."

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