🌸The Promise 🌸[18+]

Chapter 13

“Jo had learned that hearts, like flowers, cannot be rudely handled, but must open naturally.” — Little Women

His kisses start slow and sweet but soon become hot and heavy.

His hands are in my hair and a deep primal groan escapes his lips as he pulls his lips away to kiss my neck.
I'm panting, hardly able to control myself. His kisses are making me tingle between my legs and I can feel wetness there.
It feels so good. His kisses start to go lower to my chest and I groan wanting him. Not knowing I was capable of this feeling. His kisses are like fire to my body, igniting me from within. I feel like I've woken up for the first time.
His touch is too much as he starts to slide his hand through my silk gown, wanting to touch me.
His needy lips return to mine as his hand finds what he's looking for. He can feel my hard nipple beneath the nightgown I'm sure.
My head is dizzy and I start to panic this is moving to fast.
John Keeper pops into my mind. With his hands on me and pushing me into the mattress.
I gasp in shock at the memory and push Xavier off with both my hands.
My injured arm throbs as a warm feeling drips down my arm.
I look at Xavier's shocked expression and he looks hurt. My chest aches that I caused it.

"I can't have sex with you!" I blurt.

"What?" He asks looking confused and out of breath.

"I can't, I can't do this." I see his confused face turn into a smile.

"I wasn't expecting you to have sex with me." He states. "I just wanted to kiss you, all of you."

My heart skips a beat and my wetness increases.
Embarrassment washes over me and my cheeks warm. Then I remember Mabel. I caught them having sex earlier today and he's here now kissing me.

"What about Mabel?" I ask.

"What about her?"

"I caught you two having sex! After we kissed! Do you know how that made me feel? I had no idea you and Mabel were a couple and I basically threw myself at you."
My voice breaking, no wonder she hates me. Not only did I take her job which wasn't my choice. But I kiss her boyfriend in the few days since I've been here and then kiss him again when I know he's taken.
What is wrong with me?

"Mabel isn't my girlfriend Nova." He says like he's bored with the conversation.

"But I caught you having sex." I say not understanding what he's implying.

"Yes you caught us having sex, but that doesn't mean me and Mabel are together. We have sex sometimes."
He can see my horrified expression on my face.
It was just sex Nova." He states like its as normal as breathing.
Just sex?
How can he belittle something that scares me so much.

I can feel myself losing my temper, why is he so blasé about this?

"That makes no sense! You can't just go around sleeping with girls who aren't your girlfriend or wife for that matter! Their reputations are at stake!" I say in frustration.

"Trust me Mabel had a reputation long before she met me." He laughs.
"That's not the point Xavier!" I moan. Putting my head down and with my good arm, I put my hand on my forehead and continue.

"You can't just go around and sleep with whoever. She's a person and she has feelings. From her reaction to finding out about the kiss we shared, she clearly loves you. Yet you're just using her for sex!" My patience wearing thin.

"Why does this bother you so much?" His face is hard.
He doesn't deny it.
He's just using her for sex, he doesn't love her like.. She loves him.
That makes me joyful and sad all at the same time.

"Because when you have sex with a woman they are trusting you enough to share that part of themselves with you. It doesn't take a genius to work out that feelings can develop. You brushing it off so easily like it's nothing means nothing, isn't fair. Not to Mabel and not to me." I look anywhere but his face. I don't want to see what his eyes say.
But I continue.
"I'm never going to be like Mabel, I'm never going to give myself freely to a man. Kisses mean something to me, and I don't want to keep kissing you if that's how you treat women. So I think it's best for us to stop this now before it gets any worse." I say with a heavy heart.

"Why are you pushing me away Nova?" he asks silently.
"I'm not." I lie.
He shakes his head and I know he doesn't believe me.

Maybe I am pushing him away.
But he clearly just wants to be with someone for sex.
He hasn't even the decency to ask for her hand first.

The silence is disturbing. Still not looking at him, I wait for him to say something. Anything.

He finally speaks. 

"I will let you push me away because I know you feel like you have to do this at this moment in time. But when your ready, I will be waiting." He says simply.
I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. My heart is beating so fast I'm surprised he can't hear it.

He does a faint laugh like he's just remembered something.

"Sometimes the heart sees what's invisible to the eye."
He repeats the quote with more meaning than I thought possible.
"That Alfred lord Tennyson really knows his stuff." He says ending our conversation.

With a sigh, he gets up and leaves, without turning around or saying goodbye.