Reintegration program - Elmax

Chapter 30 : Tears

It was the middle of the night, Max at the desk, her small lamp lighting what she was doing. It was calm, until she heard noises coming from the living-room. A "BOOM" and then Jane grumbling. She stood and went to her. The girl was on her belly on the floor, trying to stand.

- Shit, Jane, are you ok? asked the redhead with a concerned tone, crouching next to her.

She was going to help her but Jane rejected her. Max, stubborn, ignored her bad mood, grabbed her arm and helped her to stand.

- Fuck! Leave me alone! told angrily Jane.

- No! You stop that, right now! You can't spend your time rejecting me because you don't want people to see you like that! stated firmly the redhead.

- Like what!?

- Vulnerable!

- I'm not weak!

- I never said that! You strangled my step-father and you stopped a baseball bat with your hand, I can't think you're weak!

Jane pushed the redhead and managed to find her balance on her left leg. Max looked at her fighting with her pride and her pain, not wanting to admit that she needed help. She could see Jane's veins ready to explode on her face and her skin becoming a bit red. Her breathing was loud and fast, escaping her gritting teeth. She limped to the wall, -moving aside Max with her left arm-, placed her head against it and began to punch it with her free hand.

- Jane! Stop! You're gonna hurt yourself! told Max, shocked.

- I'M NOT A PUSSY! yelled Jane, hitting the wall again and again.

The redhead grabbed Jane's left hand but the other girl began to hit the wall with her head. Max had to put her hand between to be sure she wouldn't be hurt. She wrapped her arm around her shoulders and forced Jane to step back. The ex-prisoner stopped. She was breathing heavily and closing her fists. She pushed Max and fell on the wall on her left side. The redhead grabbed Jane's shoulder and forced her to face her.

- What's wrong!? What was that!? asked the redhead with a worried tone. The pain woke you up? Did you have a bad dream?

- Just go away!

Max didn't move. She was beginning to get used to Jane's change of mood, it was so often! She closely looked at her and noticed that Jane was looking away, avoiding eyes contact, and saw a small drop flowing on her cheek.

- Jane, you're crying, stated softly Max.

- NO I'M NOT! I'M NOT A WEAK PUSSY! screamed Jane, closing her eyes.

- It's stupid Jane! Don't hold your tears, you're hurting yourself more! You make things worse!

- I've been strong since years now! I won't cry now!

- Crying and being weak are two different things! You're not weak, and you're allowed to cry! I don't know who convinced you it was weak and certainly blamed you for this, but they were wrong! It's ok to cry, it's ok to be sad, it's ok to be hurt!

Jane twisted her neck like if she wanted to crack it and clenched her jaw. She was looking around like to find a way to avoid this situation, her breathing becoming faster and heavier. Another tear fell on her cheek that she quickly wiped with her sleeve, but more were falling. Max put her hands on Jane's cheeks and placed her head on her shoulder, rubbing her back with her left hand and travelling her right hand in her hair. She could feel Jane's tensed body struggling to not cry.

- Let it go, it's fine, said softly Max.

Jane's body began to shake, like if it was giving up, exhausted to hold it all this time. Jane tried to focus on her breathing but the tears were accumulating in her eyes and she let it go. She began to sob on Max' shoulder, wrapping her arms around the other girl's back, tensing her hands on her tee-shirt.