Remember Me (sequel of Shouldn't Have Kissed You)

chapter 3

Chris increased his pace that he was no longer jogging anymore but running. This was how it always ended up being. He would wake up every morning to jog but end up running around the block. According to him it was a way of punishing himself.

He wanted to punish himself for everything that happened in the past. It was his fault that everything went the way it went. It was his fault for kissing Maya that day on his concert. His and no one else.

He shouldn't have kissed her but he did. He kissed her on his stage and then things went sour. How he would change the past if that was even possible. He would do it within an heart beat.

Chris increased his pace if that was even possible. But it seemed the more he did, the more what ifs and maybes got in his thoughts. Like, if maybe he had taken the blame that Maya had taken those years ago, he would be the one who would be six feet under. Then again, if he hadn't woken up every single moment to go for jogging after they got married, he would have spent more time with her.

And that's why he punished himself every single morning. That's why he wanted his body to feel the pain. The pain that he had cost her. The pain of not being with her. The pain of not holding her and telling her how much he loved her. That's what he deserved. That's what he was doing to himself.

Yes, his son had asked him to move on but he had no idea of how to do it. He had no idea of how moving on from your greatest love is done. Then he remembered the morning before Maya's memorial.

They had gone to visit her that morning. Him and his son. And Prince had preached to him and Chris had promised. He thought that it would be that easy. He guessed that who ever said its easy said than done was right. Because he hadn't done it. He hadn't moved on from her. Despite it being almost six years.

Chris slowed down when he saw his house. The last thing he needed was for Alma or Prince to see him panting like that. He held his hand on his heart and felt the heart beat. His heart was beating more than the 72 beats per minute and in a way it made him smile. What if he had an heart attack and died?

He had thought of death do many times since Maya died. Guess that's what happens to suicidal. They always think of that whenever things get hard. The easy way. It's not like he hadn't tried to kill himself before. Isn't that why he is suicidal?

Chris looked up at the sky as he came to a stand on the steps of his apartment. He had moved from the mansion years ago. He now lived in a three bedroom apartment. You ask why? Because he couldn't live with those memories. And also, his momma coming to visit and over staying her visit.

Now he was the one doing the visit. He was the one going to her and not her to him. Maya's death had affected her too. In fact she had at one moment almost blamed him. Almost. But she held it back before she could finish and Chris had understood her. Understand.

That word. If only he had understood Maya from the start, would things have gotten that far? Would she still be alive? But he hadn't. Instead he had blamed her for his misfortune in life. He had blamed her for even kissing her. That's why he deserved the pain. That's why he needed the touche. In fact, he craved for it.

Chris began his jogging not even realising that he had stopped to think. He opened the front door and walked inside the house. It was still quite which meant that Alma and Prince were still sleeping.

Chris walked in  the kitchen and pulled a jug full of water from the fridge and helped himself. Once he had his fill, he returned the jug and placed the glass that he had just used inside the sink. He then walked up the stairs and into his room.

After showering and getting himself ready, Chris walked to the room that was few steps from his.

"Don't do that." He heard the warning voice of Alma.