When Jeon Jeongguk reluctantly takes his daughter to daycare, her childcare worker was the only thing he could see, and it certainly was the best decision he has ever made for her.
Things between them were supposed to be professional- nothing more...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"You can't drink your feelings away."
The words barely reached his ears as he stared down at his apple martini, fingers diligently wrapped around it. His arms were heavy but his heart was heavier, feeling like a stone holding him down in a pool, suffocating— drowning as he tried screaming for help, but choked on the water.
He was clawing at the surface, hoping to move— break free from the restraints around his ankles to gasp a breath of fresh air, but he was stuck. Forced to stay where he was because nothing was going to get better.
"You need to talk about it."
He was growing tired of hearing those words. The entire time he sat himself at the bar, drinking whatever drink he hadn't tried yet (and that was a lot), all he could think about was how much he had fucked up in his life.
All he could ponder was all the people he had hurt in his life. Taehyung meant the most to him, and he hurt him like he meant nothing. What kind of sick joke was God playing now? Was he sitting up there getting a kick out of how fucked up Jeongguk was?
When was it all going to end? When was his life finally going to go back to normal? When he didn't have all this drama and problems and worries drowning him like a fish. When was he going to be happy again? Without worrying about whether if his daughter is his or some other man's baby?
Why couldn't all the voices in his head just shut up for once? All he could hear was those sake voices yelling at him, scolding him for being such a piece of shit person, demanding change but degrading him all in the same breath.
Could he change though? Could he evolve into this better person that everyone wants him to be? It was he going to stay the same kid who always had problems then dispensed his anger out on the ones he loved most, pushing them away until they were long gone, no longer a part of his life and leaving him behind to think about what just happened.
His life was a joke now— that's what it felt like at least. He couldn't even laugh anymore. It wasn't funny— nothing about what was happening was humorous in the slightest. He wanted to scream in agony, yell in anger and bellow in despair.
Nothing was working out for him. Just when things seemed to be going on the right path, something always happens. It never changed— it never stopped. It was a vicious cycle, and no matter how hard he tried to keep his head above water, he was always drowning.
"You can't keep living like this. It isn't healthy."
What was healthy anymore? Was he ever really healthy? All it was was a mask to hide his pain, but tonight, he just couldn't seem to do it anymore. It was all catching up to him now, and all he wanted was a breather. Just for tonight, he wanted to wallow in all his emotions, feel them and think about how fucked up his life has become.
Maybe he could come up with solutions. Or maybe he just wanted to feel the emotions so he doesn't go insane because he could feel each thread coming undone under his grasp. He was slowly losing himself more and more each day. And he could feel himself shifting into a person he didn't want to become.
