Anarchy High

Chapter Thirty-Four

Growth Begins When We Start To Accept Our Own Weakness. 

"You need to get your head on straight."

I had started to wonder how long it would take Riker before he showed up once again in front of me. Here he was. Only a mere few hours after I had posted his bail. A bail that probably no one else in this country would have been able to pay. On my part it probably wasn't a good move but my mind had already been made up before I even thought about it. Everything I did for that man went against my better judgement.

"Nice to see you to. I think a thank you is more in line than the lecture you are about to give me. After all I did just get your ass out of a cell." 

He started to make his way around the cars so that in the end he was standing right in front of me. It made me slightly uncomfortable to know how well he knew me. He knew I was in the garage without even looking or asking around my home. That was another thing on my mind, how close could I actually let someone in. 

There was something more serious about his whole presence it was clear he wasn't happy about the situation we had been thrown into but who would be. Davis had been watching us this whole time. He had been watching and learning about all of us. Studying everything we knew and who we were. While the whole time we hadn't a clue on who he really was. 

In honesty I was beating myself up about the fact I should've known better. I had a feeling from the start that there was more to that man than he was letting on but for once I didn't trust me gut, and now we were all paying for it. I also didn't know if the cost to this whole situation would be worth it in the long run. My families name could be dragged through the mud and there was a chance it might never recover. 

Was that something I was willing to risk for a world that wasn't actually mine to begin with. 

Then there was the problem with Jessica and Emily. There was no way we would be able to get to them now with Davis watching us at every move. I felt like I was suffocating from knowing that Davis was watching me on one side of the law to knowing that Nisha was also watching me on the other. It was like having two devils on either shoulder.   

"You need to get your head out of whatever doubt you have gotten yourself in. That doubt that you have in there could cost us all." His voice softened before he spoke once more. "This isn't you Lyra." 

I scoffed looking up at him from the car I was currently working on slamming the hood down. Walking over to one of the tools boxes I picked up a old rag and started to wipe my hands on it. For the first time I noticed what he was wearing. A pair of old black jeans and a black hoody with the hood up and covering part of his face. It was clear he was trying to keep a low profile. The paparazzi were everywhere and trying to get our attention at every corner. They wanted information and I didn't know how long everything would stay under wraps. 

They were another problem I just couldn't be bothered to deal with.  

"What are you to tell me what I should do? If you haven't noticed we have this problem because of you."

His eyes hardened at my comment. "Do you want to know what? I told your brother that you weren't fine after that whole incident with your mother. There was no way someone could go through what you did and come out the same. Lyra you got shot and they set your car on fire with you still in it. Not only that but you still haven't told the rest of us to this day what happened when you got out that car. They were watching you Lyra, they were watching and waiting for you to burn in that car." 

Feeling something snap in me I turned around and faced him. Walking up to him with purpose in the end we were so close our chests were touching. There was a coldness in my eyes that even slightly terrified me but I had completely lost my temper at this point. Something that was so uncharacteristic of me. 

"She isn't my mother." I snapped through gritted teeth. That woman wasn't related to me. I didn't care that in the end we shared the same blood. In my eyes she was nothing but a stranger. Just because we shared blood didn't make her my mother or give her the right to call herself that. People needed to stop saying she was when she was anything but. "And while we are at it, no I'm not fine. My side hurts all the time and people still expect me to have the answers for everything. Answers to things that I shouldn't even be a part off or even care about but do you want to know why I stick around? Because of Damon and because of you. If it wasn't for the two of you being in this world frankly I wouldn't give a flying fuck what was going on or who Nisha was. But no because of the lives that you live I get thrown into that mix. I am putting everything on the line here and for what? For me to probably murder my families name and to ruin my own future?" 

"Lyra-" I shoved him hard making him shut up. I wasn't done. 

"No don't Lyra me because news flash, I don't have all the answers. I'm not always going to be the smartest person in the room but do you know why I try to be?" 

"Why?" The hardness that was in his eyes only seconds ago was long gone. He had listened to every word that I spoken with open ears. He was listening to my rant like it was the most important thing in the world. I knew I would regret opening my mouth once all of this was over but I just needed to get all this off my chest. 

Sometimes even a person who kept everything bottled up just had to free themselves. 

"I still fight on because of the two of you, cause in the end I know that if I don't do it and work out everything no one else will. No one else will come up with the answers, no one else will take a deep breath and say 'this is what we are going to do.' It's me, I'm the one that does this. So I'm sorry if I just want a moment to doubt myself because in the end I will. I am still human like everyone else but you know what also makes me different from everyone else? I will have that moment, maybe even cry in my room if it gets that bad. In the end there is one thing I love about myself though. That is the fact that I pick myself right back up after and I don't need any of you do that for me. What I do need you all do is to let me have that moment cause in the end I've still got this."

No words were spoken between the two of us as we let everything I had just said sink in. I could feel his calm breathing through our contact and in that moment I used it calm my own. I hadn't realised how worked up I had gotten until that moment. When the fight had left me and I was left with the aftermath. 

This was the person though, this was the right person to have a moment like this with. I knew Riker would never judge me for a weakness of always wanting to be ten steps ahead. He didn't understand my need to try and work out what everyone is thinking. He didn't understand how when someone was able to outsmart me I would spent the next few days trying to work out how I let them slip through. How I let them get that step over me. 

Cause not only was Nisha able to do but then Davis had to go and add fuel to the fire. 

Sensing his movement I looked up only to see him pull me close and wrap him arms around my waist. My words stuck in my throat as I let him comfort me. He rested his chin on my head and rest my forehead against his shoulder. I let his presence consume me and for the first time I let my body and mind finally relax. 

After weeks of being on edge, letting my thought run wild with plans, outcomes and what I could've done different, everything had finally just fallen silent like that with a simple touch. 

"You know. When I first heard about you the first thought that popped into my head was bitch." I let out a laugh at his comment and I could feel his grin through his movements. "But the moment I actually met you there was far more to you than what people told stories about. For weeks I watched how you would work things out. How your eyes were always studying something or someone. You never seemed to stop no matter how tired or hungover you were. Even when you were at peace you never seemed to be able to get your mind to relax and that's what I liked about you. You're unpredictable and unlike things that happen in my life I love that about you" 

Never before had a guy ever said something like that to me. They always wanted to be with me for other reasons. Such has my family name, money or just for my looks. For someone to actually notice something like that about me and notice it on such a deep level was something I had never came across. 

"The way you're getting on you would think we were going out." I commented leaning in closer to him though I didn't think that was possible. 

"Princess, we've been a thing for a while. You've just been to caught up in everything else to notice."