Shrinking Violet

14

Everything went black and white. Lahat ng pinaghirapan ko para sumaya ay nalimutan ko. Tumanim sa isipan ko ang sinabi ni Leo sa akin kanina.

"Walang magseseryoso sa'yo."

Kaya ba hindi na nagpakita si JC para hindi ako umasa? Ano? Ano bang mali sa akin? Am I too clingy? Am I that ugly? I know myself that I'm not but... Why?! Why?

I lean to the wall behind me and slide my self to sit. I hug my legs and put my head on my knees. My tears started to fall and I couldn't stop sobbing.

I remember when we were in a relationship. I was always ordered to do this, do that, whatever he wants to. I loved him and I never felt that love from him. I was wrong saying that he is my boyfriend. After years, I'm still regretting that I let him in in my life.

Can't someone love me?

I know this tears wouldn't help to my problems but I want it to let out. Pero kahit isang tao para lang icomfort ako ay wala. Walang nandiyan para sa akin.

I stood up and wipe my tears. Inhale... Exhale. Even JC is not here. I deserve to be happy and no one dares to make me feel this way or they'll feel hell.

I remember those times that we are happy. Oh JC, you were so caring. I wanted to feel that love from you again. I really need to talk to him.

"I'm glad you're okay now"

I faced JC. "You were there? Since when?"

He smiled at me. "I was here because I'm scared that you will faint again or.. you'll slash your wrist again."

"How did you know that?" It's okay that he knew but I want to know the reason why.

"Hanni. " Oh, that bitch. "My second cousin"

"Ahhh. Your first cousin is Chika, right?" He nodded.

I knew it! That's why they are so close.

"I was here before Leo went to you." I am staring at him. "I was going to explain about why did I not talk to you yesterday. I'm thankful that Leo did that today and not yesterday but, it's better if he didn't do that. You don't deserve that guy. Forget him, okay?"

"Already"

"Good. Tara sa canteen?"

"Ah hindi, dito na ako. Hindi pa naman ako gutom."

"Libre ko"

"Tara!"

He licked his lower lip and bite it then smile. Nginitian ko din siya at hinila na niya ako papunta sa canteen.
,

While eating, Leo go through us. Eat your words, as*hole. Ikaw naman sana ang lokohin.

I look at JC and appreciate him. I love him.

He saved me.

"JC" I called him. Lumingon ito sa akin at itinaas ang kilay niya. Hindi sya makasalita dahil nanguya siya. "Si mama" nakatingin lang ito sa akin at iniintay ang sasabihin ko.

"Pinapapunta ka sa bahay"

Napalumod ito sa gulat at umubo. Lumingon ulit ito sa akin. Ang mga mata niya ay hindi makapaniwala.

"A-ako? Tae. Joyce gising ka ba? Jinojoke mo ba 'ko?"

"Oo" biro ko.

Pinitik niya ako sa noo kaya napapikit ako. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin habang nakahawak sa noo ko. Ang sakit niya pumitik!

"Tunay naman kasi yun. Isusumbong kita kay mama pinitik mo ko." Parang bata kong pang aaway sa kaniya at nagpout pa ako.

"Halaaa sorry na bibi" hinimas himas pa niya ang noo ko. "Ang laki na ng paliparan mo ah"