Shrinking Violet

18

2nd ch for this day! Happy reading!

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2nd night of not talking with JC. Hindi ko alam na kaya niya akong hindi kausapin ng ganoon katagal. Binuksan na kaya niya ang regalo ko? Hindi ba non napalambot ang damdamin niya? Ganoon ba ako kadali kalimutan?

Dahil lang sa maliit na bagay na iyon?

After cleaning myself, I went out of the bathroom. I immediately get a comfy clothes. What I mean is cycling, short shorts and sleeveless shirt. No undies plus no bra equals comfortable clothes.

After wearing it, I bent my knees to sit beside my bed. Bale nasa gitna ang ng table ko at bed ko.  Ang komportable sa pakiramdam na nasa masikip akong lugar at madilim pa.

I place my forehead in my crossed arms. I reminisced the time that we were happy. The time that all we think is to eat and eat and roadtrip and having fun with friends.

Where are my friends?

Do I really have a friend? Atleast one?

Am I not enough? Or am I not lovable? Or maybe, both. I just want to be loved! I just want to be happy. Why do I feel that I'm not allowed to. Am I worthless? Don't I deserve anyone?

Tears started to fall from my eyes. Nararamdaman ko ang pag-init ng katawan ko dahil sa paghikbi.

I wanna die. I wanna end this drama.

I stand up with my darkened eyes and see my half dead self. I looked at my right to see my phone ringing but I can't hear it.

I see it but all I hear is the sound of a ticking clock. Until it locked and darkness ate my room again. Anyways, all that matter is I'm not enough. All I think is myself lying on this floor, bleeding. All I see is darkness. My comfort place.

I think someone is coming.

I stare at the door with my no emotion face. After a second, JC entered my room. Locked the door and walked towards me. He looked at me with a drunk eyes.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito?" He put his index finger to my lips to shh me. " 'Wag mo 'ko hawakan. Lasing ka."

"Hindi ako lasing." Base sa boses nito ay hindi nga ito lasing pero mukha itong nakainom.

"Paano ka nakapasok dito?" Muntik na siyang matumba buti na lang ay yumakap ito sa akin.

"'Di ba nakita mo ako na binuksan yung pinto?" Kinunutan ko siya ng kilay kahit alam kong hindi naman niya kita. "Hindi yon. Nilasing ako ni Papa mo dahil inaway raw kita pero siya ang bagsak ksksks"

Ihiniga ko siya sa kama, sa couch na lang ng kwarto ko ako matutulog. Ayaw na ayaw ni Papa na may makakasiping ako kahit boyfriend ko na ito.

Nang maihiga ko siya ay hindi ito kumalas ng yakap. "JC ano ba"

"Mm. Please namiss kita e~. Hug lang. Please~. Joyce... Mahal na mahal kita... Patawadin mo na ako."

"Oo pinapatawad na kita. Bitaw na." Tinutulak ko pa din pataas ang katawan ko palayo kay JC.

"Ikaw ang pinakaimbldnte tawo sa buhay ko... Do~n't leave me~." Napatigil ako.

I'm important?

I wanna die. I wanna end this drama.

"JC... Am I enough?" He didn't answer me but I wish it's a nod.

"JC. I want to break up with you"

"Noooo~" he started crying and hug me closer to him. "Stayyy~. Pweaaseeee. I'll be good boyfriend. Don't leave me. Don'tttt~"

My tears fell to his chicks. "I'll not leave you. I love you so much." I'm sobbing when someone opened the door but closed again. "I love you so please bear with me. I love you" 

I remember the day when I chatted him to know what's the issue between him and Kristine.

I remember the day when he gave me his cap because it's too hot.

I remember when I gave him pasalubong and he was happy. Naalala ko daw siya.

I remember when he's tickling me and I fell on the ground so we laughed.

I remember so many memories with him that I don't want to let go.

I remember that I love him so much to let go.

I remember to hold on to him to live.

.

I woke up alone. Maybe he went home early or Papa kicked him out of the house for cuddling me.

When I saw him with Kristine, I feel nothing. Now, I know how to control myself. Now, I learned not to be jealous into small things. And it's because of him.

I'm learning with him and I think it's a thumbs up for me?

My partner should be Maki but I switched with a classmate para maging si Chika na ang kapartner niya.

Others said that it's meant to be but sorry guys, it's just me.

Kristine looks like making me jealous but dear, don't try me.

JC started to be clingy pati sa school. Nawalan na din kami ng pake sa kung sino mang napapalingon sa amin. Basta masaya kami at ayos kaming dalawa.

Hinatid ako ni JC pauwi at masaya akong humiga sa kama ko. Sana magtuloy-tuloy ang saya.

We chatted for hours pa at nagdesisyon ng matulog dahil may pasok pa bukas.

Tomorrow, magppresent na kami. Hindi naman na ako nagseselos kay Kristine kaya kampante na ako. Sana lang talaga hindi masira ang mood ko kundi sira buong araw ko.

Sana talaga.