Shrinking Violet

46

"I love the way you lie, Kristine."

"I know I can't love you romantically but I promise to be a good husband and father. I'll protect you at all cost and stay with you until your last breath."

JC left me early in the morning. He said that he needs to talk with Leo. I know that it's about Joyce but I'm not going to sulk. If there's his happiness, why should I take that pleasure away from him? I just wish that he'll need me.

I went to our kitchen and drink a glass of water. I am calm and this is new. This is my first time being calm while thinking that JC is with her. Uh- huh? Maybe they're not. Leo is with him too, I know he'll not let JC touch even the tip of her hair.

***

"You didn't forget the rule, did you?"

I answered Leo, " No", and look away. I never thought it's him. I mean, he two- timed her. I just want to know if there's something wrong in me. I loved her from our high school years, I always been in love with her, so why not me?

Why is it not me?

Leo tapped my shoulder and said, "I'll get going. Keep your distance, JC."

As he walked away, my eyes followed him. I only looked away from him when I saw her. They hugged and he kissed her forehead that made her smile wider than I did. My heart broke into pieces.

It's just seconds of seeing them together, yet it broke me. I don't know if this is a good thing or a torture. I wanted to see her everyday but now that my eyes are on her, I just want to walk away. I already want to back out. I don't want to see her with another man but I can't pull her away from him.

I want to see her looking at me not at him.

They entered the church and talk to the Lord together. When I was hers, we didn't get to do that. Now, I'm also insecure. What's the point of doing this again?

I looked at them, walking away from the church in holding hands. Joyce is really clingy. I wish to be Leo. He guided her to enter the car.

Binuksan ng driver niya ang bintana ng kotse at may sinabi sa driver. Nakatingin lang sa kaniya si Joyce na tila pumayag sa kung ano mang sinabi ni Leo. Ng makaalis na ay lumingon ito sa akin nang walang emosyon. 

Lumapit ito sa akin at sinabing may isa pa siyang kotse na nandito. Siguro walang- wala lang ako kaya nasasabi ko sa isip ko na nilalait niya ako. Ganoon naman talaga siguro. Mayroon tayong isang tao na makikilala na nasa kanila ang lahat ng gusto natin. 

Inilabas niya ang susi sa bulsa niya at pumasok kaming dalawa sa loob noon. Ang ganda dito. Ngayon lang ako nakapasok sa ganitong sasakyan. Gusto ko ding magkaganito. 

"You cheated on her, right?" he started a conversation. 

"No." I answered him straight. 

"Yeah? How about you having a wife and a child? Isn't that cheating?"

"I loved her and only her. There's no cheating happened."

"Mmm." He just said and nodded. 

"Don't talk to me like it was only me who hurt her." 

"I didn't." He answered. 

He just drive onto nowhere. I don't care though. 

"Eeeh? And how's lady bug?" 

"Who's lady bug?" He asked. I looked at him like 'you know what I'm saying'. He just chuckled. I am not sure but I saw loneliness in his eyes. "She already forgot about her."