Shrinking Violet

35

I'm wearing my beautiful dress while waiting for the chapel's door to open. I'm so excited to be his wife even if this is just a chapel.

Walang dahilan para malungkot dahil pagkatapos ng araw na ito ay akin na siya habang buhay.

I'm smiling ear to ear while walking in the aisle. This is it. I have waited for this day to happen. This is so unbelievable!

I am about to cry for the happiness I'm feeling but when I see his face, not having a smile in it, I doubted if that tear is for happiness or because he is hurting me again. Isn't he happy? I stopped walking when everyone in the church starts leaving and JC went to someone I don't know. He seems so unhappy. Why?

Tumungo ako. Why do I feel that I was betrayed. That this day, his feelings change. Paano kung hindi na niya ako mahal?

"Go." I heard my father.

Tiningnan ko siya at tumingin ako sa dulo ng aisle. Nandoon na si JC. Gusto niya talaga akong pakasalan? Is this for real? I felt my heart beat for happiness.

I smiled again even if there's very few people inside. I slid my hands in his arms. We walked to the chair in the middle. He pulled my chair, being a gentleman to me. Is this the man that my Mother's saying that don't love me? He's so sweet! I really deserve him.

Naguguluhan ko siyang nilingon  ng sumunod siya sa pari. I'm about to stand up and follow him but I saw my Fathers sign to calm my self. Hindi ko sana magagawa ito ngunit kumalma na din ako ng malaman na mangungumpisal pala muna bago magsimula ang kasal.

Natapos na din akong mangumpisal. Tumabi ako kay JC at hinawakan ang kamay niya. I smiled at JC and nod to  father to sign him to start.

I happily answered to the priest. I am promising to God that I'll be a good wife to JC and good mother to our children. I pray to have a happy life with JC. Having JC today is like having him forever. I hope he stays.

When it's his turn to answer, my heart is skipping some beat. I'm nervous. I'm getting stressed. Why is he not answering that he will love me 'til death? I'm doing everything for him. Why is he having second thoughts?

Tama ba ang nararamdaman ko? Hindi niya ako mahal? Gano'n ba?

I lift my head to smile at him when he said that he agreed to be with me forever. I'm so happy that when the priest said that he may kiss me, I lift my veil and tiptoed to kiss him. I know he's a shy boy but he's my man now. I can do everything with him.

We will live together from now until our last breath. This is the most happy hours of my life!

After the reception, I immediately go to our room and get a dress to wear for the first night sleeping next to him. I must be very attractive! And I must smell good too!

I expected him to cuddle with me but what he did is just stare at the damn door. "JC.." i called him calmly. "Hey.." I called him once again. "Why are you not paying attention to me?"

He stay stilled. Ignoring my presence.

"JC, ano ba?!" Sigaw at alog ko sa kaniya. Tiningnan niya ako nang blangko. "Pansinin mo ako. Asawa mo na ako!"

Wala pa din siyang salita. Hindi ko malaman kung anong problema niya. Napupuno na ako. Simula sa simbahan pinaparamdam na niya sa akin na parang wala akong halaga. Hanggang dito ba naman na kaming dalawa lang ang magkasama?

Ang sama niya.

Hindi ko napigilan ang luha ko at lumabas ako ng kwarto. Naabutan ako ni Tito, hindi ko ito pinagtuunan ng pansin. Umalis ako sa bahay at pumunta sa park ng subdivision namin.