Proscriptive desires.✅

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Sobia!

"ilham!
whats wrong?
why are you crying?
someone beat you?"my brother bombarded the questions following me to my room.

i clean my tears with my sleeves and open my bedroom door , throwing my backpack on my bed i remove my suitcase from the wardrope and throw it on the bed.

"ilham what happen?
i am yout brother can you please talk to me."he sayholding my hands i remove his hands from mine and begin arranging my clothes.

"where are you going to please can you just tell me what happen to you."he say closing the suitcase and i sigh.

"whats the point of living with you all as a family and no one want to tell me shit, i have a stepsister but nobody ever mention about her, now everyone is calling my mum offensive names what is going can someone please explain shit to me."i say sobbing and my brother hug me.

"why do you all hide it from me?"i say sniffing and my brother sit me on the bed.

"i dont like seeing you crying."my brother say cleaning my face with a bandana and sit next to me.

"i just want to know everything."i say and he smile.

"okay!
i will tell you but first you have to promise me not to hate our dad."he say with a raise brow and i smile.

"he is my dad i can never be angry with him forever."i say and he smile.

"sooo in a summary!
mum gave birth to me 11month after she married our dad then 3yrs later she gave birth to raheem, they had some misunderstanding with dad and he divorced her, she left and after 1yr of being a widow she decided to move on she married her bestfriend she gave birth to a girl 1year after there marriage and they split, Dad then re-married her 2yrs later they gave birth to you."he say with a shrug and i sigh.

"what exactly is the misunderstanding and why did mum have to leave her husband to come back to our dad."i say and he sigh.

"ilham!
somethings are better left unsaid,
please just stop thinking about all those past stuff mum and dad are not meant for each other, they really try there best to work things out but sometimes we've to let go even the most precious things to avoid hurting each other."he say staring at me.

"why cant i know?
why is everyone calling my mum a whore i want to know everything, do you have any idea how it hurt anytime someone called her that, you are all like dad you just dont care about her."i say and break into another cry.

"come on ilily you know we all care about mum but sometimes we just have to ignore some stuff for peace, i know you love Amir maybe you two will be the one to unite this family."he say and i laugh bitterly.

"Godforbid, i do rather die single than to marry Amir if i have anything for Amir and his family it's hate and malice, i hate everyone all of you.
mum is the only one that want the best for everyone in this family, but what did she get in return a divorce and hate from everyone, i am soo glad she left and i am also leaving i love my mum no matter what you are all hiding i love her soo much and i am going to meet her."i yell and storm to my wardrope.

throwing my clothes into the suitcase not caring to arrange them,i close it shut and add a blue kimono on my body, i tie my scarf and drop the suitcase on the floor.

"you are not going any where sobia and that is final."my brother say and close the door shut with a click.

"open the door ya Azan or wlh i am going to kill myself, open it i want to go to my mum."i yell banging on the door.

I rummage through my room and find a hammer, i pick it and begin banging it on the door but to no avail, i sit on the floor crying.

my eyes land on the familiar bottle of yellow substance and i stand up, i clean my tears with my sleeve and pick the bottle,
shaking it i open it and gulp it down without thinking twice.

i sit on thr floor and my stomach suddenly twist, my throat aching and my heartbeat accelerating my vision suddenly become blur and  wave of darkness engulf me.

ohhhh ilily what have you done i know you re going through alot but you have to be patience, sabr is the key to everything.

so what do you all think kindly comment and say your opinion.

issa double update and guess what? i wont update till after EID like i am super excited for this eid.