between You & Me (complete)

My Life Summary

this is a true story! I hope you'll take time to read this and inspires you!

             "be the best out of you!" -charm

     Hi, my name is Charm, 19 years of existence. Mom gave birth of me in a surprise and my life  wasn't stable back then. I'm a miracle baby! My mom and the Doctor told me the story... When i was able to get out from my mother's womb, a baby should cry. But i didn't, i kept silent and they notice my fragile heart stop beating. My first out to the world was critical. They say if MIRACLES are true both of us will breathe again and live. Since my mom's life also is in danger, She's a blue baby. But here I am, continue kicking today.

      Life isn't easy at all, especially you're born from a poor family. Me and my mom weren't accepted from my Father's side. They don't want us because my mom is from a family of farmers. We continued to live in hell, mom was depressed and as a kid. I grew up with not so beautiful surroundings and nature. I matured in the age of 5. I understand well the situation and silently crying in pain and struggling. As the only child and the pressure brings from being not accepted and degraded. I don't see my life would bright. Witnessing your parents cried night by night. I'm still a kid that doesn't know what to do but i understand our situation. My brain kept battling inside. I don't have a joyous experience of childhood. Because of the pressure, I need to do well in studies and let them show i can be the someone to be proud of. But like i said, my mom was depressed and stressed. Her frustrations and anger are all expressed to me. She'll scold me to some ungrateful words. Slap me and so on.. Ofcourse it hurts, i hated it but i understand her. I live with the only tight thought  in my mind is to be worthy and accepted. I love to dance, i joined countless dance contest and won. I love to sing and perform since i was little. Many people began to say good things about me that in such an early age i have many talents. Ofcourse my father's side start to be proud since i carry their surname. But everything is just my thought. They still see us worthless, maids and low. then I start to have low grades and my life became sadder and blank. I know that whatever effort i'll do nothing will change. But my mom laid a hand in me, i was scared because that was my first time seeing her with so much anger. My side of my lips bleed, bruises all over my body.. I cried and traumatized. I don't hate my mother, i know she's worried for my future and the pressure. 

      When i turned 12 i was in a 7th grade, i did my best as a highschool student. But i didn't still enjoy my life. Need to be like this and like that. It sucks! Then i turned 13... then 14! Many people come and go in my life hoping they can help me a little to have a meaningful life and save me from my sadness, but again all they did was to hurt me. But I didn't know I grew up having anxieties and worst depression. My life became uglier and uglier, we transfer places and i transfered several schools because of our family problems. When i became 15, my depression starts to outdo me. I secretly hid my report cards (my grades start to fall like 74, 81, 76) and i can't think straight. I never had a true friend. i never had friends that sees me without judgements. I'm a walking depression.  I start to cut myself, i don't feel anything. No one knew my struggle, and no one reach out to me.  Then i turned 16 my heart complication came back (Carjac murmur). Doctors gave an advice to me that i should control my emotions, it would kill me since my situation is not curable. I wasn't scared about death, i just felt nothing. i wasn't surprise or anything. i just simply accept it.

       Did i say i have a brother? Our age gap is 10 years. When i look at him, he was the hope i was looking for. My mom starts to worry my condition and i start to tell myself that i shouldn't let my emotions drown me since i have my little bro who's waiting for me. But problems won't leave! I turned 16 and commit suicide again but it failed. Then when i'm 17 i attempt again but my thought brought me to my baby brother. I stopped and start to be scared about myself. My baby brother is indeed my sunshine and hope. I became a type of person that is introvert and doesn't trust people around me. I love to isolate myself from others because of my experiences. I forget all about my father's side and focus more to myself, my family and to my brother. My life went back track again but not with full of smiles. I start to create a path for me and for my baby bro. I took STEM strand in SHS and graduated in the age of 18 with a medal as a honor student. I start to smile and half-half extrovert and introvert. But i still have trust issues. I'm super honest with my feelings and emotions towards to a person, a FRANK person.