Fix You

48-Both Of Us

*jens pov*

It's currently 4am and I still haven't slept. I slept all yesterday since I didn't wanna cry all day. I guess I'm pulling an all nighter, which probably isn't good for my mental health. But it's not that great anyways, especially after what Leah did...

I already know I'm not going to work tomorrow, or technically today. So I texted Angela to tell her I'm sick and probably won't be in until next week.

I continue to pet Blue and give him some love since I felt bad about earlier. He's just a puppy, and he means well. "I'm sorry bubba." I say and make a pouty face while he's in my lap.

I lay back and let him cuddle on my stomach as I watch whatever's on the tv. Suddenly I hear a noise at the door, I lift my head and look over at the door. I see the door knob wiggling like someone's trying to get in. I raise one brow and just watch as I hear a click, and the door starts to open.

I get confused but also relieved as I see Leah walk through the door. I was scared since I didn't know who trying to get in. But I also didn't expect her to be here.

"Jenni-." She starts to call out, but stops when she sees me at the couch. "Oh my god, Jen you have got to listen to me." She says and walks around the couch to me. "It meant nothing.." She says and I can tell she's getting ready to explain everything.

"I jus-." I cut her off. "You don't understand how broken I felt when I thought I lost the only person that makes me happy..." I say and feel my eyes start to tear up. "I- you didn't lose me, I'm right here baby. I came back to be with you." She says and squats down in front of me, grabbing my hands.

"I just don't understand-." I stop when tears start flowing down my cheeks. "Jen something happened, an-and I left!" She says. "That doesn't explain the fact that you were there, in a whole different state, kissing somebody's lips, that weren't mine!" I say while crying a mess.

"You trust me right?" She asks and squeezes my hands tighter. I pause for a second, and I don't answer. "I did..." I say softly. "No- you do,  you have to trust me-. I didn't drink." She says. "Ok, then that makes it even worse if you were making out with that guy and you were sober." I say with attitude.

"No-I...they got a hold of my drink...my non alcoholic drink." She says hinting at something. "What are you saying?" I sniff. "They put something in my drink while I was in the bathroom. That's why I didn't remember anything." She says, and I can tell she's been dying to get that out. "You were drugged?!" I ask confused. "I don't know- I'm not really sure yet. One of my co workers told me what happened since she was with me the whole night." She says.

"Fuck Leah..." I say and take one of my hands away, and rub my forehead. "I don't even know what to say- I mean why did you go out in the first place?" I ask. "I don't know! I didn't think there would be that much drinking." She shrugs. I stand up and face the other way, just thinking.

"This is too much...I mean we just moved in together. And a lot of shit happened before we lived together, so I can't even imagine what else were in for.." I sigh. "It was a mistake, and I'm here now." She says and stands up. "God, that doesn't help! This could've been so much worse. What if they put fucking acid in your drink and made you trip the fuck out?" I ask thinking the worse.

She just stands there and shakes her head. "Leah...if it was alcohol, what if you start drinking again?" I ask hesitantly. "I don't think I would be able to handle that.." I say and face her.

She stands there for a second, processing what I just said. Then she just looks down and sigh. "Look Jen, I'm not some minority, you don't have to baby me. I'm not fucking stupid. Yeah I've made those bad decisions in the past. But you think I would purposely fuck up what we have?" She asks getting defensive. "Lee, I'm just saying, that I don't want you to end up like that. And if you do-." She cuts me off. "What? What would you do if I ended up like that?" She asks and crosses her arms.

"I-...I would have to leave you.." I say bluntly. I looked up at her, and I could see the hurt in her eyes. "Oh?" She asks, and I nod my head yes. "So, all those times you said you'd always be there for me, all those times you basically dedicated yourself to me, being the clingy bitch you are. You were just lying?" She asks using hand movements since she's getting worked up.

I furrowed my brows when she called me a bitch. She's never called me that before. I mean we call eachother it jokingly in a loving way. But we've never used it to be hurtful, and she just did..

"I wasn't lying. You know that I do love you. That's why this whole situation is so hard." I say. "If you loved me then you would help me through anything, what kind of person just leaves their lover when they're struggling the most. That's when I would really need you Jennifer. And you'd just leave me?" She says getting louder.

She just stands there waiting for me to answer. But I can't because I know nothing but tears would come out. "Wow...what a girlfriend..." She says sarcastically, and starts to walk to the stairs. "Leah that's not fair." I say. "Really? How is that not fair?" She asks annoyed. "This wasn't even about you. You just switched it around, changing the whole fucking subject, so that I could be the bad guy." I say and she just rolls her eyes.

"I'm not the one who cheated.." I say a little more quiet. I hear her sigh, and she just shakes her head. "Look...I haven't made the best choices in life. But I know, that I did not fucking cheat." She says very calmly, then she just walks upstairs.

Fuck I hate when we argue, I wish I could just lay in her arms and talk. But we're both way too stubborn for that. Even though that did not end well, I'm relieved that she didn't even know that she made out with that guy. It really wasn't her fault. So I feel like a bitch now.

I understand that she's hurt after what I said. But I really wouldn't even be able to see her like that. Of course I would do everything in my power to help her before it got really bad. But in the end, I wouldn't be able to let her drag me down with her.

I love her more than anything else in this world, and when you love someone, you have to let them go eventually. I mean we all die, so it's bound to happen.

All I know is that we have to fix this. I don't know if we moved things too fast, and maybe we aren't meant for eachother. But we have to get this figured out before one of us completely breaks, or both of us.