Kigo

In the Middle by StarvingLunatic 1

In the Middle

1: Heart of the matter

Tension set into Bonnie's jaw as she stood by the patio door and her turquoise eyes locked onto her lover. "I hate when she's like this. I told her not to go, but then again, I always tell her not to go. Hell, I used to actually beg her not to go. Not that she listens to me in this regard," she muttered in a rough voice, shaking her head as she watched her lover carefully.

Yes, she, Bonnie Rockwaller, used to beg. She was almost always close to getting down on her hands and knees and imploring her not to go, but she always held off. She needed to have some respect and dignity. Besides, she did not want to end up making her lover choose. After all, what if she chose to leave?

Bonnie's heart clenched at the very thought. "I'd die if she left me. I'd wither away and die, just fade from existence and no one would ever know or even miss me," she murmured with a tremble in her voice unable to look away from her lover. The air around her seemed to get heavier, lowering her shoulders. "And, god, I do love her so very much. Why do I have to love this girl, though? This girl of all girls?"

It was not something she would trade for the world, these feelings of love and being loved, but why did it have to be her? Someone who was so kind and giving was also someone hurting her just by looking the way she did. Someone who hurt her just by going out and not doing something. Why did it have to be her?

Sometimes, she wondered if her lover would feel better if she did go out, be deceitful, and get what she so desired. Maybe if her lover felt better, she would feel better, too, regardless of what it was that would bring her lover happiness. I wouldn't have to suffer through this anymore and she wouldn't have to suffer it either.

"Would I be able to take it if she went out and just did it? I almost feel like I would be relieved as long as she comes back like she used to be, before all of this started. Thinking about her doing that hurts, though. Do I want her to just go out and do it if it means she'll be better?" Bonnie asked herself, folding her arms across her chest as if to shield herself. She rubbed her sweater covered elbows, which did not help her feel any better.

It was not like Bonnie was being cheated on, not in any way that could be helped anyway. Maybe she was being cheated on spiritually or emotionally in someway, she considered. Her lover could not feel the same way about her as she did about her lover, she was sure of that.

"It's impossible for her to feel the same way about me. I mean, if she did, she'd be going out and she'd never come back in, looking like this, acting like this. It would never happen," Bonnie whispered, shaking her head. She sniffled and swallowed down her pain, knowing it would be replaced soon enough with more, unless her beloved came in.

Bonnie looked over at her lover, who still held a pose that would have been erotic in any other situation. Kim Possible, the love of Bonnie's life, stood on their deck outside in the backyard with her leg in the air, above her head. She had been standing like that for nearly an hour, not moving, not flinching, and hardly breathing.

"Why does it always have to be this way?" Bonnie wondered, her voice trembling. There was another sniffle and she was not sure if she would be able to keep the sorrow away now.

It was a normal drill after Kim came in from her weekly practice. The hero would come in as silent as the grave and go right to their deck. A grim, but determined glint in her usually lively olive eyes and a tightness set in her face. Most of the time, she did not even acknowledge Bonnie's existence, even if Bonnie tried to get her attention; and Bonnie did try. She would do all sorts of katas and then hold a series of poses. She would be out there for hours in any weather and Bonnie knew it was not really for practicing.