I will never be the same without you...

Chapter 2

Song: Alec Benjamin, "Let me down slowly"

I hadn't seen Saifah in at least a couple of years. We used to be friends during our university days. He was in the same program as my best friend, Tor. I didn't like him initially because he made out with a girl I was dating. Eventually, we cleared up the misunderstanding, and things got better. However, something happened between us because of my sister. She wrote yaoi fiction and used to base her characters on my friends. She was, and still is a good writer, and her stories were cute and fun, but when she decided to turn Saifah and me into a fake couple, things tensed up again between us.

The day I caught him with my ex, we ended up fighting. In the middle of the argument, I threw a punch at him. I don't know how I did it, especially since I'm so much shorter than him, but I managed to clock him. He lost his balance and fell down, taking me with him. As luck would have it, I ended up falling lips first... onto his, *groan*. I felt like I got hit by a thunderbolt. For as long as I can remember, I'd been curious about boys, but I would not have come to terms with the fact that I was gay had I not kissed Saifah.

That day, I left pretending to be angry because I was so confused and scared. Every time we met after that, I antagonized him. I was worried about what he thought of me and that he would tell someone. I wasn't ready to analyze everything too deeply, and it was easier to fight with him than talk to him. I was a 20-year-old idiot and acted like a coward. Eventually, we got a chance to spend time together. He explained that he didn't know Fai was dating me and offered an apology, which I accepted. By then, I had realized he was a really decent guy. The only thing that sucked was that we both pretended The Kiss never happened. From that point on, we became fairly close. Until everything fell apart when I discovered my sister's yaoi webcomic. I am not sure if he embarrassed of being portrayed as gay or being paired with me, I never got a chance to discuss it with him. I was worried he would see me differently. I didn't want him to be uncomfortable around me, so I made sure we were never alone together and always brought a friend whenever he invited me to do something. I had realized that I liked him more than a friend and I didn't know how to talk about it with him. Maybe he figured it out, maybe being a fake couple bothered him because he eventually stopped reaching out to me as much. With each passing month, he was less and less part of my life, and I was heartbroken.

Eventually, we graduated and had even fewer opportunities to meet. I started working for a web design company, and I concentrated on work. I dated a few men along the way, but it never lasted. Work occupied most of my time, and to be honest, I never forgot the tall jerk who rejected me all those years ago. He was always lurking in the back of my mind, but I hadn't actually been in the same room as him since Tutor and Fighter's wedding.

Until today, when I walked into his office and sat across his desk.